Need To Know 1998-01-09

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"He's got such humility, such sincerity on stage... He's the Marc Antony of high-tech oratory." - HAL JOSEPHSON of Invisions Awards on STEVE JOBS' Macworld keynote that'll be Steve's "I come to bury Apple, not to praise it" attitude >> HARD NEWS << short fuse A brilliant but possibly sociopathic recluse, accused of creating intricate devices that spread terror across a nation - a universally reviled figure, caught by the authorities after twenty years' pursuit - he is on trial for his very life. But can the man the US government claim is behind the "Unibrowser" threat truly defend himself - or is BILL GATES just too mad? The evidence points to the latter, after a series of increasingly paranoid outbursts over the pending anti-trust case. After last month's unsuccessful attack on the judge (the so-called "you talkin' to me?" defence), MICROSOFT this week turned on the court-appointed investigator, Lawrence Lessig. Lessig, they said, had exchanged e-mail with friends at Netscape in which he accused Microsoft's Explorer of "screwing up" his bookmarks. Clear bias, said MS - presumably as Lessig had failed to refer to the bookmarks as "Microsoft Favourites", the new name for bookmarks on the Microsoft Web(TM). Meanwhile in BusinessWeek, Gates made the demented claim that the current anti-MS backlash is being secretly run by... IBM. "People don't understand," he says, "how IBM set out to eliminate us ... Unless we're allowed to enhance Windows, [it] would certainly be eliminated." Enemies everywhere, and only one brave man protecting us from an OS/2 planet: expect more insights into the fractured mind of Bill as the trial progresses. http://www.businessweek.com/premium/03/b3561005.htm - but believe me, you don't want Bill Gates inside your head http://www5.zdnet.com/zdnn/content/reut/0108/269507.html -"we're sorry if we have made any statements that would suggest we do anything but respect [the DOJ and Judge]" http://www.microsoft.com/corpinfo/doj/1-5email.htm - in time you will call me ... Special Master Meanwhile, the anti-Bill, STEVE JOBS, won over everyone with his "humble, moi?" keynote speech in the ever- shrinking planet of MACWORLD. Jobs continued to keep the big announcements for another time (so no sub-$1000 Mac announcement, no new servers, no Rhapsody gameplan), and merely kicked around the same QuickTime, Microsoft-Are-Our- Friends, online shopping nonsense. Oh, and one other thing - Apple made a profit in the last quarter of $45 million. Yeah, surprised you, didn't he? Only five more years of profits like that, and Apple will have paid back the $884 million it frittered away in the other three quarters. Other Macworld turn-ups: there's a new Debabelizer, Freehand 5.0 came out, and errmm... errr... http://www.macweek.com/ - can the last one out turn off the little Newton bulb? http://www.news.com/Radio/Features/0,155,125,0.html - look, drop this Kai Krause bollocks and we'll be nice again As spammers threatened to publish a database of AOL addresses on the Net (isn't that what USENET is these days?), Microsoft cut out the middle man and bought out the entire HOTMAIL free-mail-on-the-Web operation, addresses and all. The deal cost Microsoft around $350 million. Given that Hotmail claims 9.5 million users, that's about $35 a pal. Cheap if you consider the hundreds of dollars spent per head trying to get MSN subscribers; expensive if you just think Hotmail is just a bunch of people too stingy to stay with one ISP longer than the free trial - or if you've seen the spams offering 16 million email addresses for $149. It all comes down to what Microsoft plan to do with these people. And you know what? We reckon they have *no idea*, but they'll watch what Yahoo does with its cheapskate free e-mail subscribers, then copy that. Yes, Yahoo's next on that Microsoft "imitate to eliminate" a la carte menu. http://www.hotmail.com/ - complaints to bill_g54@hotmail.com http://www.microsoft.com/ - no, no! they're trying to eliminate *us*, don't you see? >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious just as the rumours were getting boring, WEBMEDIA *really does* close down as a Web design company - now plans to move into "corporate strategy"... AMAZON outage... AOL outage... THE WEB magazine (US) folds... NETLY NEWS "cutting back"... NT 5.0 needs 64MB of RAM... NETSCAPE announce loss, blame "free software".. MICROSOFT claims will become "kindler, gentler"; also hopes to flog 100,000 betas of Win 98 at $30 apiece... "Digital TV May Not Take Off Quickly" reckon satellite-decoder makers PACE MICRO TECHNOLOGY... ZIFF-DAVIES claim new publication is "IT launch of the decade", possibly unaware that the UK has at least 7 weekly IT mags already... Albert Einstein, Pablo Picasso, Jim Henson, Thomas Edison, Alfred Hitchcock, Amelia Earhart - celeb endorsers in US Apple "Think Different" campaign have one other thing in common: they're all dead... Dept Of Justice "Special Master" reveals that IE4 made him "really angry", also stole his "soul"... initial DVD launch unsuccessful, consumers "suspicious"... TODAY programme reveals "reading books still popular despite the growth of the internet" >> EVENT QUEUE << social glue for the non-adhesive It's been only 8 months since the last "annual" LOEBNER PRIZE contest [see NTK 02/05/97], but maybe that's how fast things move in the grant-starved world of artificial intelligence nowadays. This year's $2000 Turing Test to find the most human- sounding computer program will be held on Sun 11/01/98 in Sydney, Australia, apparently as part of Australian Natural Language Processing Fortnight (do your own Neighbours/ barbie joke here). In other competition news, AUDIOCAST are offering $10,000 (and a salary) to the "geekiest radio presenter" they can find, while a London-based short-poetry mag promises a UKP500 prize to the best haiku (free form or 5-7-5 conventional) that they receive before 15/02/98. Feel free to enter all three of these - but just make sure you don't get your entries mixed up, OK? http://acm.org/~loebner/loebner-prize.htmlx - or, for the most computer-sounding human... http://www.audiocast.net/HomeTemplate.cfm?page=geek.html - "applicability to the radio format". ie: bots allowed http://www.into.demon.co.uk/ - added new Linked Forms/ more Linked Forms/ still 3 added to archive >> TRACKING << blips on the nerdar QuickTime 3.0? Pah! DVD? Yeah, right. Maybe it's time to revive arguably *the* most extreme video compression codec of all time: TTYVIDEO. Developed by Chris Pirazzi, it takes any SGI video input and turns it into live ASCII art. And not only does it look cool (apparently it's particularly good with cartoons), Chris lists a huge range of off-the- shelf ttyvideo utilities that you may already own: Real- time compression? compress file.movie ! Full pixel-level editing: emacs file.movie (or vi! or jot!). If only we can convince a few RealPlayer users to switch, the bandwidth will all come *flooding* back. We mention this now, because this technique has recently been advanced by Czech demo coders, who have ported an entire PC graphics library to work with realtime ASCII art. We suspect it's no coincidence that this library is call-compatible with the graphics libraries used by Linux Doom and Quake. Yes, you read that right - ASCII Doom. ASCII Quake. And if you can't be bothered with that, the "bb" demo is still fun. http://reality.sgi.com/cpirazzi/ttyvideo.html - time for teletypies! http://horac.ta.jcu.cz/aa/index.html - bringing new meanings to the word !@!*!*?!!* Pens. Lovely, aren't they? But loveliest of all is the UNI pen breed, those transparent rollerballs that are usually quite expensive and whose purchase involves going into art shops and pretending to be all trendy. Fortunately, someone persuaded Uni to put up a Web site which semi-automatically gives away their products to anyone who completes a simple trivia test. At last, a UNI distribution system that rewards the intelligent over the stylish! Sadly, the site uses Macromedia Flash, so they won't be getting the truly singular. But what need have they of pens? http://www.uni-ball.co.uk/ - watch out for the new UMN152 retractable! MmmmmMMMMmm! >> MEMEPOOL << hasta la altavista ISP smurfing... Amiga Doom *and* official Quake ports? ... What *is* going on in the 5th floor of BT's scary Martlesham main lab block?... Winner of our "Award" Award - http://cm.bell-labs.com/who/ches/awards.html ... Snowcrash the movie? ... Operation (the Mad New Doctor's Game) now re-packaged as "Alien Autopsy"... Mo Mowlam - Mo' Problems ... http://www.smudgereport.com/ ... pi-man warez at http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~nickjh/Pi.htm ... small, local black hole GRS 1915+105 now inexplicably emits vast jets of hot gas at 92 per cent of the speed of light every half hour... anyone got a Perl script to filter the tedious sport news out of Brian Hook's .plan file? ... What if Microsoft designed children's toys? Find out at http://premium.microsoft.com/support/tshoot/barney.asp ... Depressed, lonely? Isn't that the idea? The Goth Singles' Network at http://www.gothicclassifieds.com ... emphasis definitely not on "real" - http://www.realflight.com/ >> GEEK MEDIA << fast, cheap, and with a remote control TV>> big comedy clash tonight, with no less than 6 new humour-oriented shows, including thankfully-Bremner-free satire THE FRIDAY NIGHT ARMISTICE (9.35pm, Fri, BBC2), cheapo sketch-romp COMEDY NATION (12.05am, Fri, BBC2), sitcom-of-Satan DRESSING FOR BREAKFAST (9.30pm, Fri, C4), and the reliably formulaic EUROTRASH (10.30pm, Fri, C4)... our picks: the top-class neuroses of FRASIER (10pm, Fri, C4) and - wait for it - the vastly underrated FAITH IN THE FUTURE (8.30pm, Fri, ITV)... it's the most sexually explicit kids' advice show we've ever seen (well, at least by post-Chart-Show standards) - is that why only swinging Londoners get LOVE BITES (12.30pm, Sat, LWT)?... you'll wish Invisible-Man-Behaving-Badly Neil Morrissey *would* disappear from THE VANISHING MAN (8pm, Sat, ITV)... three- way TV cops go bad, with the first-and-best NAKED GUN movie (9.05pm, Sat, BBC1), the Lalo-Schiffrin-scored Dirty-Harry- sequel MAGNUM FORCE (10.05pm, Sat, ITV) and blah-blah- Tarantino gritty-no-music failed-heister DOG DAY AFTERNOON (11.05pm, Sat, C4)... basically another sinisterly amusing genetic comedy for Arnold "Twins" Schwarzenegger, though JUNIOR (7.15pm, Sun, BBC1) does spawn some acutely disturbing shots of the heavily pregnant former Terminator gambolling in a flowery meadow, dressed as a girl... no real revelations about the Challenger shuttle explosion, as DISASTER (8pm, Mon, BBC2) implicates the "O Rings" - maybe they should have used some other, tougher, crispy cheese snack instead... BBC2 temporarily consoles fans of soon-to- conclude SEINFELD (11.15pm, Tue, BBC2) with a double episode... Sean Connery yawns through aimless sci-fi Western OUTLAND (10pm, Tue, C4)... and TV Nation sidekick strikes out on his own in LOUIS THEROUX'S WEIRD WEEKENDS (9.30pm, Thu, BBC2) - ObNTK: is he the son of novelist Paul Theroux? Yes, of *course* he is... MOVIES>> yes, that's Emma Thompson *and her real-life mum* in not-as-dull-as-you'd-think luvvie-fest THE WINTER GUEST (MPAA: rated R for "language and brief sensuality") - fortunately, director Alan "Die Hard" Rickman sticks behind the camera... not too many "stiffy" jokes in similarly death-obsessed quirky love story KISSED (imdb: romance/ morgue/ drama/ necrophilia)... Jennifer Aniston continues turning down tough-action-heroine roles for average romantic fluff like PICTURE PERFECT (MPAA: rated PG-13 for "sensuality and related dialogue")... fans of Wim Wenders' rambling Euro-musings should know just what to expect from THE END OF VIOLENCE (imdb: thriller/ drama/ big-brother/ fbi/ film-industry/ lost-identity/ violence) - except perhaps some odd slapstick bits, loads of CCTV action, ID4's Bill Pullman, and that bald guy off Murder One... oh, when we did THE JACKAL (MPAA: rated R for "strong violence and language") last week by accident, we forgot to ask: for sheer ridiculous pointlessness, could Bruce Willis' disguises maybe even rival Val Kilmer's ones from The Saint?... "ZINE" NOT "HERD">> Our New Year resolution was to get this unhealthy love/hate obsession with US ratpile media out of our system, so what better way than a final binge of Yank zines from New York's SEE HEAR - http://www.zinemart.com ... looks like we arrived just in time, with the best of the US small-press publishers sailing out on well-earned book deals: the first 16 issues of Lisa Suckdog's grunge slag zine ROLLERDERBY ($3, PO Box 474, Dover, NH 03821) has made it to book form (ISBN: 0922915385), while the zine itself rolls on with interviews with Beck and neo-nazis in the latest ish... Paul Lukas' obscurely titled BEER FRAME ($3, 160 St. Johns Place, NY 11217) translated to the marginally more informatively titled INCONSPICUOUS CONSUMPTION (ISBN: 0517886685), a commendable trawl through the reject bin of modern consumer products and services... but our favourites sell-outs from the East Coast remain the "old people say the craziest things" oral histories in THE DUPLEX PLANET and its various comic spin-offs ($2.50, PO BOX 1230, Saratoga Springs, NY 12866), and the *spectacularly* self-destructing HATE COMIC #28 ($3.95, c/o Fantagraphics, 7563 Lake City Way NE, WA 98115) whose well- deserved success seems to have led creator Peter Bagge to kill off everyone's favourite characters... in the "wish we'd never seen it" category, we can't imagine FUCK ($5, Randall Phillip, PO Box 2217, PA 19103) would ever sell out to The Man, and even if there was a market for full-colour- shotgun-wound coffee table books, we'd never get it past Customs... back on this side of the stormy pond, following the runaway success of Brit slacker bible THE IDLER (recently relaunched, now with even more time-wasting pages), they also do a sort of semi-pro junior spin-off called CHEAP DATE (UKP 1.00, PO BOX 16778, London EC1M 5XA), "for thinking thrifters". A bit Londony, suspiciously high B-list celebrity count, perhaps too self-consciously '70s kitsch (like Ben Is Dead did to death). But good on T- shirts, fun to read, and cheap - just like it says on the tin. >> FINAL COMPO << too late! Alan Braggins of Ncipher wins the final prizes of our '97 competition - a book about how to get on the UK Internet (sorry), the audio soundtrack to MDK (joke: if Nintendo ever released it, they'd say it stood for "Mums, Dads & Kids") - and perhaps the most cruel and unusual punishment gift of all, a 3-year-old video called GAMES ON THE .NET published by Pearson New Entertainment in conjunction with SubCyberia and hosted by "virtual celebrity" WAVEY DAVEY WINDER. *Thrill* to Davey's pioneeringly matey presenting style, bravely avoiding obvious traps like ever making eye contact with the camera. *Gasp* at the cover's bold assertion that you should "Say goodbye to games consoles" (hey, it was 1995, how could they have known?). And *cringe* with horrified nostalgia at the free CompuServe software included with the video, offering "over UKP 80 of free surfing", all on just one floppy disc! Games On The Net is available now in Virgin Megastores for UKP 1.99. And even we don't know the current whereabouts (or career prospects) of Mr "Wavey" Davey Winder. But we'll try and track him down to receive our "special" award at the endlessly trailed, probably in Feb, fabulous .NOT Awards. >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. It is registered at the Post Office as "yeah, we guessed Straw too". NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Excuses - http://www.spesh.com/ntk/ Unsubscribe? 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