Need To Know 1998-03-27

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"As you can see, the Internet can be stunningly stunningly immoral." - Cable TV President LEO HINDERY, demoing the JENNICAM to fifty Catholic Bishops hey, Cardinal Pironio missed it! Reload! >> HARD NEWS << paying your dues Free the JAVA ONE! Sun's shin-dig for the Java faithful kicked off on Tuesday with a ritualistic humiliation of a Bill Gates lookey-likey, and the handing out of peer- bonding JavaRings for everyone to wield, Green Lantern- like, at him. Just "One", though, seems to be a conservative figure when you consider of the multiplicity of Javae around. As Microsoft rolled out its own 100% Sullied Java (shorn by court injunction of its snazzy Java(TM) logo), Hewlett-Packard announced that it, too, was working on a non-Sun Java Virtual Machine. HP said Sun's license was "too expensive". Sun countered by saying they'd offered to give HP the code for nothing. HP failed to deliver the obvious punchline by time of going to press. Continuing the ingenious backwards-spin-doctoring at One, Scott McNealy promised delegates that Sun will "continue to spend like crazy on Java". Remember when they thought they were going to *make* money with it? http://java.sun.com/javaone/javaone98/press/pressphotos.html - man dressed to look like silly geek (here with Bill Gates) http://www.oryxsoft.com/projects/gvm/ - and there's Kaffe, and Japhar and ... http://www.ntk.net/gates/creamedgates.mpg - always worth repeating When humourless games glossy EDGE dissed NTK's fave computer cartoonist, CHARLIE BROOKER, did they really know what they were letting themselves in for? "Breathtaking hypocrisy" is how one Edge reader describes it on their current letters page (p6), pointing out that they criticised Brooker's "Cruelty Zoo" spoof in the same issue that featured a semi-naked mutilated girl on the front. Edge of course comes from Future Publishing, who continue their mission to present games as a serious artform in this month's Playstation Power, which contains the phrase "Sony'll have our bollocks for this" (p5), a contest to "get ripped-to-the-tits on booze"(p48), and the remarkable newsagent-reassuring coverline: "Resident Evil 2: You'll Shat The Bed!" http://www.superkaylo.com/ - "Not suitable for minors. Or cunts." So, whose side were you on in the Domain Name Wars? The time for comments on the US Government proposals, which attempt to foster a compromise between those battling for control of the top level domains, ended Tuesday. Time for the real punch-ups to begin. Latest casualties: the ELECTRONIC FREEDOM FRONTIER, who this week came down firmly on the side of CORE (that's the Old Guys Who Created The Net, Who Plan To Hand All That .Net .Com Nonsense To The A Neutral Swiss Body). Unremarkable, since EFF co-founder John Gilmore is an Honorary Old Guy and CORE buddy - but still an excuse for outrage from Gordon Cook, author of the Cook Report (not *that* Cook Report), and champion of the "Senile Old Men Who've Lost Touch With Reality, Who Plot to Give Away America's Internet To Foreign Powers" hypothesis [see NTK 10/10/97]. Cook described the EFF position as "outrageous puerile RANT", which, judging by the level of debate so far, should be seen as a compliment. Our position? If these guys want Net names to stay American, why don't they all push off back to the .us domain where they belong, and leave .com to us "international" folk? Kidding! http://www.findmail.com/listsaver/noframes/rre/764.html - "For the ... benefit of the public, the Internet users, and the entire human race" (delete where not applicable) http://www.findmail.com/listsaver/noframes/rre/765.html - "a single fallable individual" Sounds like a threat, Jon http://www.worldnic.com/ - NSI presents *World*nic? uh-oh... >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious JAVA LOBBY compares fight with Microsoft to war with Germany, quotes Churchill... parents of ANDREW GOLDEN, Arkansas shootist, were postmasters, says NYT (retribution for all those bounced mail messages?)... EU project to provide individual Net dial-ups spends 2 billion pounds, charges more than ISPs ... PERSONAL COMPUTER WORLD CD offers "preview screens of forthcoming Quake II"... editor, chief writer of COMPUTERACTIVE resign - get your Falco nominations in now... "Children put on weight according to how much television they watch," new research reveals... KNESSET Website hacked... percentage of Americans who believe their moral standards are higher than BILL CLINTON? A telling 69% ... WARGAMES game and site rubbish... MUTE's www.metamute.com site still reads "opening 6pm 12 March 1998" ... US astronaut takes PALMPILOT to Mir - forgets sync cable... Creepy NICK ROSEN, weeks into his new job, starts circulating CV: says he's "unhappy"... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful How do you persuade Cable and Wireless, a multinational with a 7UKP billion turnover, and 1.5UKP billion profit, to dump local call charges for the benefit of a few thousand Net users? How about sitting outside their HQ, blowing whistles and sitting in baths of custard? Don't knock it: it toppled the Apartheid state in South Africa. Kind of. Anyway, that's what the CAMPAIGN FOR UNMETERED TELECOMMUNICATIONS are planning (custard, not majority rule) this Tuesday 31/3/98, 1100GMT to 1400GMT at Red Lion Square, London WC1. There's an open meeting to discuss tactics this Sunday, if you feel in the mood to fight for your right to parity. Armchair activists that we are, we're especially intrigued by the protestors' adoption of C&W's corporate yellow colour scheme, planned spirited sing-a- longs of its advertising soundtrack, and at the height of the protest, a demo (in its proper sense) of the C&W set- top box. Let's hope bystanders won't mistake it all for impromptu show of employee loyalty. http://www.unmetered.org.uk/watch/details.htm - "bedraggled pantomime horses" http://www.cwplc.com/ - particularly slow site: call-charge conspiracy Theatre. Think of it as a medieval version of going to the cinema, and you'll be fine. Well, actually, with this crowd - maybe not. You guessed right about Patrick Marber's "net play", CLOSER (Lyric Theatre, London) - there's just one (1) "online chat", and it's as appallingly unconvincing as the rest of it. The lead in glam-rock Spocky Horror SAUCY JACK AND THE SPACE VIXENS (Queen's Theatre, London) *is* named after Spinal Tap's notional "Jack The Ripper" musical, but - brimming with dumb- ass double-entendres from a largely s/f-ignorant writer - that could be the funniest thing about it. So, with heavy heart, we must grudgingly recommend the live touring version of Terry Pratchett's GUARDS! GUARDS! (various, see URL), if only because - in a canny chunk of cross-marketing casting - it stars Paul "Avon" Darrow from off of Blake's 7. http://www.closer.co.uk - No Website, Pat? Perhaps you're not so clever after all... http://www.spacevixens.co.uk - taking Spinal Tap's name in vain http://www.uktw.co.uk/info/guards.htm - NTK Pratchett quota: one (1) mention per year >> TRACKING << getting warmer Want to DJ, but don't have a pony tail, SL1200 decks, or *any records*? Fortunately, VTT VIRTUAL TURNTABLES is a real-time Windows MP3 mixing studio, which can cue, mix and play two MP3 compressed songs simultaneously, pitch shift them while they're playing (though unfortunately only by +/- 15%), and of course crash every five minutes like all good shareware. A great addition to everyone's favourite copyright-violating hobby, though, as yet, there's no automatic bpm calculator (like it's hard to spot kick drums nowadays) or realtime scratching. Still, the processing artefacts on the "Back spin" effect alone qualify it as the ultimate shutdown sound for the next millennium. http://www.ugrad.cs.jhu.edu/~gonzo/carrot/ - anyone doing this for karaoke MIDIs? The Spring user-interface designs are in, and word from the boutiques is that 80x24 text-only mode is back with a *vengeance! Vi editor clone VIM burst onto March desktops with a dazzling show of pastel syntax highlights for its 5.0 look. Strident and customisable, Vim raises eyebrows with its interpretation of the classic Vi single-key macro collection. Echoing the themes of no mice and tiny windows, conservative lines and little ornament, the LYNX text-only browser celebrates its 2.8th this season with a unique re- interpretation of console couture. A gentler, more understanding HTML parser sets the tone, as does a playful port to Windows. Retro all the way, with Vim -- and Lynx! http://www.crl.com/~subir/lynx.html - [INLINE] [INLINE] [INLINE] [INLINE] http://www.vim.org/ - actually, we'll stick with Vi^]Bx:w^[Add:q!:bye!^C BLEEEP >> MEMEPOOL << hasta la altavista Big of them: www.microsoft.com/education/curric/macwin/ ... 0345 880088 for details of "the world's first legal tender STAR TREK coin"... 3D GUI for NT? ... "irreverent UK opinion" at www.wot.co.uk/public/ezines/wotndx.html ... Friel cam! FRIEL CAM! www.netshopuk.co.uk/annafriel/ ... webserver.luna ... burning a hole in your pocket: www.libretto.crop.com.hk/150mhz-11.html ... bye-bye, DOS ... www.leisuretown.com ... www.fuck.co.uk/fuckmail.html versus www.fucker.com/super/secret/url/ ... www.haktek.com ... SAINSBURY'S Pre-Peeled Oranges... IRIDIUM gets its own country code (+8816) ... pgl of ein.cz writes that http://dk/ is the shortest URL, and - "because I can" - http://www.do.you.really.think.that.this.is.the.longest.url .that.you.can.find.huh.no.I.do.not.think.so.ein.cz This correspondence is now closed. We hope... >> GEEK MEDIA << electronic fun transfer TV >> symbolically crawling out of the dregs of Water Week, EVOLUTION WEEKEND (from 8pm Fri, all weekend, BBC2) seems unlikely to emphasise the fact that many accepted their primate ancestry well *before* Darwin's Origin Of Species... as if the previous version wasn't offensive enough, THE NATIONAL LOTTERY BIG TICKET has Gladiator-style games, Anthea Turner and Last Chance Lottery's Patrick Kielty (who, presumably, won't be singing his swinging cover of Radiohead's "Creep")... ITV counters, tellingly, with slapstick Carrey-fest DUMB AND DUMBER (6pm, ITV, Sat)... and, for once, it looks like they managed to keep Robin Williams away from the L-DOPA in cute Oliver Sacks neurology fable AWAKENINGS (9pm, Sat, C4)... cult cardboard cartoon SOUTH PARK (10pm, Sat, Sky1) lands over here with the tone-setting episode Cartman Gets An Anal Probe... and, also on satellite, we believe that Das Bus is the Homer-as- ISP/ anti-Bill-Gates episode of THE SIMPSONS (6.30pm, Sun, Sky1)... fluorescent nutcase Adam Hart-Davis constructs a voice synthesiser from "an air pump and some ribbons" in a unique tribute to his LOCAL HEROES (8pm, Mon, BBC2)... WITNESS (9pm, Mon, BC4) surely won't live up to its bizarre premise of getting a top diplomat to mediate between warring street gangs... ditto the promisingly titled 5- minute MAFIA COOKBOOK (7.55pm, Mon-Thu, C4)... find out why YURI GAGARIN (9pm, Tue, BBC2), the first man in space, probably wishes he'd stayed there... and expect the same compulsive self-loathing during the MODERN TIMES (9pm, Wed, BBC2) version of "Friends" that you'd normally feel watching the real (sitcom) thing... could even a daily early-evening half-hour of Mel and Sue's LATE LUNCH (6pm, Tue-Thu; repeated 1pm next day) compensate for the series end of both SEINFELD and THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW (from 11.15pm, Tue, BBC2)?... and is Jean Claude Van Damme *obsessed* with playing two characters in his films, eg the moderately uninspired TIMECOP (10pm, Wed, BBC1)?... still, slightly more plausible than the casting of Stephen "Ballykissangel" Tomkinson as a (surprisingly science- aware) all-action English teacher in daft three-part bioweapon romp OKTOBER (9pm, Thu, ITV)... plus, if even we can't understand these new episodes of REBOOT (4.45pm, Thu, ITV), we want to know: *who the hell can?* FILM >> the rehabilitation of Bob Hoskins is promised in limited-release Brit black-and-white "let's give the kids some self respect by teaching them to fight!" tear-jerker TWENTYFOURSEVEN (imdb: drama / comedy / boxing). But where we come from, 24-7 really means "24 productive minutes per hour, for up to 7 hours a day (not weekends)"... some surprising similarities between SPHERE (imdb: adventure / sci-fi / based-on-novel / ocean / space / time-travel / ufo) and Barry Levinson's other recent movie, Wag The Dog: Dustin Hoffman, musicians in cameo roles (here, Queen Latifah and Huey Lewis), and a strong concept ruined by aimless blundering. Fortunately, Wag The Dog was not - spoiler warning - largely based on Tarkovsky's Solaris... all our teenage girl readers are sure to love ANASTASIA (imdb: animation / musical / anastasia / based-on-play), a Disney-bashing revisionist retell of the post-revolution Russian royal family. We still reckon they should have used Boney M's "Ra Ra Rasputin" as a theme song, though... "REAL" REAL AUDIO >> the rap track that samples the Knight Rider theme is the new BUSTA RHYMES single, TURN IT UP [06/04/98] - no "woo-woo" scanning or real Kitt voices, and thus a better idea than an actual record, but isn't that so often the way?... similar warning sentiments apply to the new LIONROCK album, CITY DELIRIOUS [out now] - like, where's the acid techno singles (like Tripwire?) Still, some nostalgically familiar rapping from MC Buzz B for anyone who recalls his version of Bruce Hornsby's The Way It Is (anyone? anyone?)... intriguingly, the VITRO longplayer, DISTORT [out now], is a much better record than idea, given that the idea seems to be pseudo-industrial covers of old Beloved songs (*and* they don't even have the Enviromental Sciences remix of Set It Down, which is the best one)... after intriguing revelations that one lyric on the new MADONNA album, RAY OF LIGHT [out now], is "borrowed" from an old US Gap ad, comes news that her track Candy Perfume Girl uses exactly 196 of the 200 words in the popular fridge puzzle Magnetic Poetry... but what's really spooling 150Kb/s of red book audio off NTK's drives this week is VALENTINA [27/04/98], KOMPUTER's retro-electro tribute to - you've guessed it - Ms V Tereshkova, the first female cosmonaut. You might think they stuck the "K" on the front of "Komputer" in order to sound more like "Kraftwerk", then you hear the track and realise they sound far more like Kraftwerk than (now) even Kraftwerk do... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. It is registered at the Post Office as "written over gin and tonics". ( http://www.msnbc.com/news/151800.asp ) NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Excuses - http://www.spesh.com/ntk/ Unsubscribe? Mail majordomo@unfortu.net with 'unsubscribe ntknow'. Subscribe? Mail majordomo@unfortu.net with 'subscribe ntknow'. NTK now is helped by VIRGIN NET, VENUS INTERNET and UNFORTU.NET. They worry about us, but we don't worry about them. 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