Need To Know 1998-04-03

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"Students are fundamentally opposed to something that locks them in. They're not lulled into the promises of up-front money" - Apple's John Santaro, on Microsoft's "free software for schools" drive maybe if you offered them record vouchers... >> HARD NEWS << we can't defuse Expect a flurry of "Hoots, Demon!" jokes in the next few days, when the news that Uncle Cliff finally flogged DEMON INTERNET hits the headlines. For it was plucky, regional SCOTTISH TELECOM who snapped the plucky, but getting a bit bored of pluckiness, ISP from the sweaty hands of the telephone giants. Weirdly, rumour has it that the big telcos (names mentioned in the wooing were BT and NTL) were actually offering more cash than the canny Scots, but, idiosyncratic to the end, Demon went with the outsider. Now all that remains is for the shares to be handed over. Which presents a slight problem for the higher circles of the inferno - what about all the share options owned by the rest of the Demon staff? Current price offered: twenty quid a share. But what if they all say "noo"? http://www.demon.net/ - two months' Internet access per share? Three? http://www.scottishtelecom.com/st_x3.htm - "Virtual shopping lets you 'try on' clothes in your size" The perfect April Fool's joke: upload 15MB of laughter track WAVs to ftp.mozilla.org, then run like crazy. But no - boring old NETSCAPE went and posted the complete source to Navigator, as pledged, instead. Hysteria in the Free Software community followed, mostly at Jamie Zawinski's monster Mozilla party in downtown SF. NTK reporters were there to watch JWZ "liberate" the rest of the commercial software he had in his cubicle by throwing CD-ROMs at the slavering audience, while huge monitors showed a cat of the C/C++ code. Also noted: "more girls than you'd expect". Of course, all the real fun was going on elsewhere - with the Anglo-Australian transworld Cryptozilla coding tag-teams, who, just fifteen hours after the code release, had plugged back in the strong cryptography support that the US government had demanded Netscape strip out. You see what you miss if you waste your life partying? http://www.winklerad.com/staff/jay/mozilla/psn00016.jpg - more guys dressed as strawberries than you'd expect, too http://mozilla-crypto.ssleay.org/press/19980401-02/ - Damn! When did these foreigners learn to program? http://www.altmuehlnet.baynet.de/~carlica/bill/baddm.html - dateline: 1976. Bill decides against GNU BASIC USENET spammers were struck a near-fatal blow this week, as the amassed forces of antispamdom (new word) got bored and went home. From today, the cancelling anti-spam bots that guard USENET from the more outrageous mass-mailers will be turned off, allowing spam to flood the system as much as it wants. It remains to be seen whether USENET will crash, quite literally, in flames, or the spammers will notice that no-one's listening anymore and move on to a more effective medium, like jamming teletext broadcasts or something. In the meantime, we recommend you retire to your mailing-list bunkers until the fallout has cleared. This has been a public service announcement. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=339705297.1 - run away! run away! FALLLLLLCOOOOOOO! The bad, BAD thoughts of those predicting the demise of Saatchi & Saatchi's favourite Web design house AMX DIGITAL were vindicated Thursday when "voluntarily liquidation" spontaneously occurred. Top Falco goes to the anonymous source who sent an eerily prescient tip back in mid-February. Of course, the ravings that accompanied it - suggesting that the liquidation would be followed by an instant reforming of the company under a different name - must be discounted as wildest speculation. But then, what do we know? We thought AMX were the guys who did the mouse for the BBC Micro. And who is RealTime, and why would they want 80% of the new company? Does anyone know? No. Still, eh? Falcoooooooooo! http://www.amxdigital.com/bob_d_1.html - "you can't predict the unexpected" http://www.artwalker.com/o/ - the AMX mouse people appear to have gone completely mad http://www.picknmix.demon.co.uk/MrA.htm - or maybe they always were: stories from the old AMX http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?back=a98/now0213.txt&l=306#l - and what is "Falco", please? >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious ANON.PENET.FI Scientology case finally closes - without a prosecution... MIKE BATT writes letter to Music Week warning of illicit Womble MP3 downloads... "Apple Board Says Jobs Can Stay as Long as He Likes", reveals NEW YORK TIMES... MAC OFFICE 98 bug tries to trash System folder when you uninstall: Microsoft "recommends not using this utility"... RES ROCKET now freeware... Microsoft, barred from JAVA ONE, hang around outside with free T-shirts and pizza coupons... "Internet Users Spend More Time, Money on PCs", INTERNETNEWS.COM uncovers... CU AMIGA put System 7 on their cover CD (3 times): didn't realise that Apple might object... CHARLIE BROOKER inevitably gets his revenge on Edge: http://www.ntk.net/edged/edge.ram ... AUSTRALIAN CHESS CHAMPION claims opponent distracted him "with her breasts"... controversial Oasis Webmaster DEREK GORMAN takes break - for A-Levels... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful DECADENT ACTION have been inappropriately busy again, fussing us with press releases announcing this year's WORLD PHONE IN SICK DAY on 6/4/98. To usher in the new financial year, DA urge citizens to slack off, take a sickie, and thus undermine the economy and bring about the collapse of the state. We still think that actively reporting in sick is too much bother, though. Why not get your mate to call, so your boss *knows* you're faking it? http://www.paranoia.com/~rtmark/daphoneinsick.html - and what if I'm paid to be a medical research subject? The geek-friendly way to celebrate Jesus Christ's suspiciously convenient return from the dead: INTUITION, the "1998 British National Science Fiction (SF) Convention (Eastercon)", runs from next Fri [10/04/98] right through to Monday, at the Jarvis Piccadilly and Britannia Hotels, Manchester. Their site's oddly *counter*-intuitive, but the strange attractors appear to include authors Connie Willis, Ian McDonald and fanzine editor Martin Tudor, poetry, a costumed masquerade, plus what sounds like a version of Robot Wars which adheres rather more closely to Asimov's Three Laws. Admission on the door depends when you attend, or do all four days for just 40 of your Earth pounds. http://www.ast.cam.ac.uk/~acb/intuition/ - clearly somehow they kept it a secret from George Takei Not to be confused with "The Quickening", in which Highlander-style "Immortals" battle to try and cut each other's heads off, THE GATHERING remains our favourite of the giant Scandinavian demo parties, if only because it's the only one we've ever been to. Like last year, it's held in the Vikingskipet (Viking Ship) Olympic skating stadium, Hamar, Norway (short train ride from Oslo), from Wed 08/04/98 to 12/04/98. Specialist compos include Amiga 64K intro, Amiga 4K intro, PC 64K intro, PC 4K intro, PC Text- mode demo, C64 Demo, Java demo, Useless utility and (our favourite) the Totally Wild Compo. http://www.gathering.org - girls no longer get in free : this *is* an interesting trend http://www.thegathering.org - not to be confused with "The Gathering Of Men" http://www.nirvana.it/home_int.htm - Christopher Lambert's next effort: Tron for the '90s? In Italian? >> TRACKING << zzt ... zzt ... zzt... BLEEPEEPEEPEEPEEP BEEP Microsoft and the Royal Mail, working together: just how slow could you get? "None more slow," seems to be the answer: their new RELAYONE service lets you send your e- mail to a postal address, but it takes "up to" 24 hours to get into the envelope - and that's before it enters the uniformed routers of the PO's snailmail network. And none more expensive, either: 1.50UKP for a single A4 sheet. Messages can be sent to UK addresses only. Best bit: "RelayOne takes the matter of security very seriously indeed. That's why we use a sophisticated encryption system to protect your credit card details." And then print out your e-mail at our centre so that anyone can read it... http://relayone.msn.com/ - "printed at 300dpi using professional industrial standard laser printers" Spidey sense tingling? Must be the cool US toys from Christmas now filtering down to UK street level - including, at last, the SPIDERMAN WEB BLASTER. Potentially "the new nerf" of office geeks everywhere, this 15UKP arm- mounted webslinger allows you shoot foam silly-string at victims, while adopting the famous "wrist up" stance. Thwip! Thwip! Concerned parents might like to know that the Blaster has been nominated by "Top Ten Worst Toys" for its "potential for face and eye injuries". Other nominees include another Marvel-inspired death-trap, the *fantastically* lethal-looking Wolverine "Awesome Arm". A must for potential beserkers (ages 5 and up), this arm attachment features "retractable striking claws" for "claw striking excitement". Tell us if you spot it in Woolies. http://www.swartzlaw.com/toy - "Super Sock'em Boppers" sadly not a Rudy Rucker spin-off >> MEMEPOOL << hasta la altavista special "return of the Extropians" memepack: www.transhumanist.com/ ... Ayn Rand translated back into Russian... http://members.aol.com/mattjasper/robotics/ ... And even the smart Lego movement is getting out of control: www.lego.com/technic/cybermaster/enhanced.asp ... Tetris for Quake: http://members.xoom.com/phooky/q2tetris.html ... MS NetShow 3 not to be RealAudio compatible; AOL prepares their own streaming audio system... "International Symbol of Victory": www.hi5arm.com/home2.html ... So how did Lycos get that plug into OKTOBER?... The FAST SHOW renamed "Brilliant!" for the US... Oh, and ftp://dk/ and http://listen.the.longest.host.name.you.can.have.is.255.cha racters.or.twohundredfiftyfive.if.you.want.to.see.it.in.its .full.glory.therefore.the.longest.url.better.start.with.a.h ost.name.which.is.precisely.two.hundred.fifty.five.characte rs.long.ok.666.assurdo.com/my.url.is.longer.than.yours/ are positively the last we have to say on this matter. >> GEEK MEDIA << media junk for media junkies TV>> Channel 5 launches its imaginatively titled "Sci-Five" weekend with John Carpenter Jesus-weepie STARMAN (9pm, Sat, C5) - spoiled by the fact that at no point in the film does anyone say: "But you don't understand, Mrs Hayden: that *thing* is no longer your husband!"... also showing: classic '80s crypto-Nazi miniseries V (11.10pm, Sat, C5), and the first-ever THE INVADERS (4.15am, Sat, C5), whose titles strangely emphasise that a) it's a Quinn-Martin production, and b) that lead character David Vincent is an *architect*. Like that'd qualify him to do really detailed 3D sketches of UFO interiors or something... rather more down-to-earth fun with Martin Scorsese in Dilbert nightmare AFTER HOURS (1am, Sat, BBC2) plus TAXI DRIVER (9.30pm, Sat, BBC2) - maybe the censors fell asleep and missed those last five, ultraviolent minutes?... otherwise it's time for "NTK readers plug their desperate stabs at fame": gangling Ben Moor appears in *next* week's episode of The-Bill-on-BBC cop drama CITY CENTRAL (8.10pm, Sat, BBC2)... precocious child composer Daniel Pemberton claims to have written the choons for gangster docu MOB LAW (9.30pm, Sat, C4)... it's the last LEE AND HERRING'S THIS MORNING WITH RICHARD NOT JUDY (12.15pm, Sun, BBC2), but their tour starts soon, info at www.leeandherring.com/this/tour.html ... and, who knows, even we might be vaguely funny (for once), abusing Microsoft's Barney-bot in the last of THE NET (11.15pm, Mon, BBC2)... the "Obsessions" dramas conclude with real- trainspotter play adaptation ANORAK OF FIRE (9.55pm, Sun, BBC2)... but plenty of the real thing in the Big Brother/ New World Order free-range chat on FOR THE LOVE OF (12midnight, Mon, C4)... enhance your Easter week enjoyment with classic Disney sci-fantasy: THE STRONGEST MAN IN THE WORLD, THE ISLAND AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD, THE SPACEMAN AND KING ARTHUR, CONDORMAN, and 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA (10.30am-ish, Mon-Fri, BBC2)... Twin Peaks' Lara Flynn Boyle is one of the oversexed roomsharing students working through the permutations in THREESOME (10pm, Tue, C4)... a NewTek Video Toaster (and T-shirt) briefly cameo in worthy sequel WAYNE'S WORLD 2 (10pm, Wed, BBC1)... and watch for a MacGyver in-joke, plus an evil Egyptian-robot alien actually using the line "This one has *spirit!*", in hilarious spinoff series STARGATE SG-1 (8pm, Wed, Sky1)... FILM>> sorry, we goofed: SPHERE was postponed to this (already crowded) week to avoid the not-quite-sunk-yet Titanic, but it's *still* rubbish, even with the cameo appearance by Xterm. NTK says: instead, wait to see what possible twists Sharon Stone could encounter in Basic Instinct 2... wrinkly beekeeper Peter Fonda fails to explain exactly what Ulay (as in "Oil of Ulay") is as he ingeniously battles hoodlums for ULEE'S GOLD (MPAA rated: R for "language")... like an Australian tryout for his role in the upcoming Avengers, Ralph Fiennes joins Cate Blanchett as made-for-each other historical wackos in OSCAR AND LUCINDA (imdb: romance / drama / based-on-novel / gambling / obsession / 1800s)... Martin Scorsese teams with the writer of ET for philosophical Tibetan ponderings in KUNDUN (imdb: non-violence / buddhism / reverse-footage / biographical / monastry / drama / slow-motion / historical / political / religion / stop-motion / sand / teacher- student / dalai-lama / mandala)... Joe "Jagged Edge/ Basic Instinct" Eszterhas seems to have avoided his usual "it's not who you think - oh, it is" plot twist in autobiog coming-of-ager TELLING LIES IN AMERICA (MPAA rated: PG-13 for "sex-related situations")... KILLER TONGUE (imdb: Spain) sounds just like a Latin Tarantino/ Rodriguez desert heist romance remake of Species... and finally, good to see Nathan Lane and Lee Evans dwarfed by rodent special effects in kiddie holiday fodder MOUSE HUNT (MPAA rated: PG for "language, comic sensuality and mayhem")... SKI-TEK>> Overwhelming urge to be your own Captain Nemo and voyage to the bottom of the sea? Check out US Submarines' Phoenix 1000, built _ a tad carelessly, perhaps - for a multimillionaire who welched on the deal, and yours for a mere $75 million: http://www.ussubs.com/ ... DIY fanatics cut along to "human Battenburg Cake" Adam Hart-Davis's http://www.bbc.co.uk/education/local_heroes/makesub.htm site to build a fully functional 18th-century Drebbel sub for more like 75p... More ambitious? Try the Breakthrough Physics Propulsion Research Workshop from NASA Lewis, which should tell you all you need to know to build a fully- functional star drive instead (well, nearly -- that last little bit is the point of the workshop, after all): www.lerc.nasa.gov/WWW/bpp/BPPWrkshp_STAIF_PrePrnt.htm ... With the American Chemical Society meeting offering plastic transistors for roll-up computer screens, buckyballs at a bargain-basement $100/pound and a recipe for metallic glass ("transparent aluminium", anyone?), the Enterprise is surely just around the corner... Quantum physicists seem unperturbed by the return of the ether... Watch out for new Mars Global Surveyor images of the Cydonian "Face on Mars", mid-afternoon 6/4/98, or early hours 15/4/98, and deep- frozen remains of plucky little Pathfinder a day or so later... then chat live to oh-so-cool Apollo Flight Director Chris Kraft at Yahoo 8-9PM ET on April 25th; he's promoting an HBO mini-series, but who cares?... satellite- linked GPS-controlled "liquid-manure applicator" under development at Purdue University: "It used to be that a farmer would go out and apply 20,000 gallons of manure without having records of where he put it," they say _ how unlike real life, then... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. It is registered at the Post Office as "the pain in your office". NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. 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