Need To Know 1999-10-01

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"The *short*, perfectly creased suits running Nintendo were always after the biggest action in the home console market. It started with the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) in 1985, five years later replaced it with the SNES and five years after that with the Saturn (sic)." [our emphasis] - TIM WAPSHOTT offers unprejudiced analysis of where Nintendo went wrong, Times Interface, 1999-09-29 ..."hey, these Oriental games companies all look the same to me"... >> HARD NEWS << offers refused Some feared the ancient tradition of expressing protest by changing your website's background colour had been lost forever, but not GREY DAY ( http://www.greyday.org ). Sadly, their strategy of protecting online copyrights by making the web more lynx-friendly didn't anticipate the registering of similar (or more conventionally US spelled) domains - the rather better-argued GRAY DAY ( http://www.grayday.org ), for instance. The linked pages are equally self-defeating: "Web Prestige" provides many appallingly designed logos denouncing "bandwidth robbery" - the heinous sin of linking to a graphic on someone else's server - plus an equal number of exasperated complaints that *someone* has been linking to these logos directly, ironically committing bandwidth robbery in the course of ostensibly opposing it. And "Look, But Don't Steal!" imaginatively selects, as an example of an artist who shouldn't be copied, modified or spread online, who else but... William Shakespeare! - a writer whose work is a) indisputably in the public domain, and b) not exactly noted for its strong anti-plagiarism stance. http://www.widowsweb.com/widows/plea.html - and here's the HTML you shouldn't use to link to them! http://www.cometosilver.com/please.html - where's the biro drawings of PSI Judge Anderson? http://www.angelfire.com/ma/duneguy/carol.html - hey, it's no "Dune Guy Day" http://www.ntk.net/grey.html - in case you missed our contribution Is the Bastard Operator From Hell, patron saint of the Scary Devil Monastery and all wrong-thinking technical folk, really dead? Otherwise sour-faced IT staff have been blubbing uncontrollably the past few weeks regarding the whereabouts of the BOFH, whose regular column in Network Week ended abruptly with the disappearence of the Web site, the magazine, and indeed the Bastard himself (last seen heading towards a liftshaft worryingly called "Reichenbach"). Nobody, though, can be more upset than mag magnates VNU, who had recently bought the Network Week property from competitors CMP - chiefly, some say, so that they could get hold of the rights to BOFH for their own luser mags. Of course that was before CMP UK casually informed them (after the deal was signed) that the BOFH's author had kept hold of his copyright - and what's more, refused to do any deals with the new owners, despite 300% wage rises and a brand new set of Luser Attitude Readjustment Tools. Now, committing suicide just to spite management is *exactly* how the BOFH would have wanted to go, but fear not: with the BOFH's own BOFH still owning the rights, there's always the chance that he could return on the Web. And how could Simon possibly decline the chance for a Y2K comeback? http://www.tetrion.com/~chameleo/bofh/ - this archive wasn't important, was it? Okay, so it's easy to knock TIMES INTERFACE, but surely we can't have been the only ones who read their piece this week that claimed, almost in passing, that Israel's WEIZMANN INSTITUTE have built a "hand-held" quantum computing cracker that can break RSA-512 in less than a second. Woah. Let's just take a second to let that sink in. According to the Times' unquotable sources, that means strong crypto is a solved problem. Of course we're sceptical: sounds like the spooks have, in their excitement, heard about Shamir's TWINKLE prototype, got their photons tangled, and think they've found the holy grail: a quantum computing solution for *all* bit sizes. Perhaps the question is not, how the hell did this happen, but why are the spooks spreading this story now? Maybe they don't realise that the protection against TWINKLE is to just up the bit size a little bit? http://www.sunday-times.co.uk/news/pages/tim/99/09/29/timintint02001.html?999 - most important IT story of the decade? Let's run it on the inside cover http://www.newscientist.com/ns/19991002/quantumcon.html - let's hope they're working as hard on quantum cryptography, eh? http://www.stand.org.uk/ - just when we were getting somewhere too >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious "Jesux hoax uncovered" boasts ZIFF-DAVIS, the only people to fall for it ... NICK ROSEN claims in GUARDIAN "everyone will be important for fifteen minutes" (your fifteen minutes were up a long time ago, Nick) ... boo.com gets hit with e-mail virus: so at least stuff's getting *into* their systems ... MARS CLIMATE OBSERVER error costs NASA 125 million dollars - or is it pounds? ... DID - falco! ... I just wanted a beer - http://www.ntk.net/doh/991001pub.gif not a gay beer, a jazz beer, a soul beer, a real ale or, indeed, an afternoon tipple with the charwoman ... BBC make dog's dinner out of http://www.ntk.net/doh/991001woof.jpg ... new DEMON AUP bans all "scanning software" - except their own http://www.helpdesk.demon.net/aup/access.html ... RAZORFISH sites using old NT version: bye-bye www.dome2000.co.uk, www.oddbinns.co.uk, www.bae.co.uk ... no "comedy" nominations at http://www.bafta.org/bafta/5_ie/5_NOMINEES.htm IN ACCORDANCE WITH NTK PROPHECY ... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful Not much "National Techies Day" action in this country, unless you count an appearance by WILLIAM "GIBBO" GIBSON at London's Forbidden Planet (New Oxford St, 5.30pm, Mon 1999-10-04 - we think), signing his new book (wahey) "All Tomorrow's Parties", apparently a sequel to "Virtual Light" (oh well). The slow-talking Canadian cyber-prophet is also booked for the Cheltenham Festival of Literature at 2pm, Sat 1999-10-09, Everyman Theatre, Regent St, b/o 01242 227979 - along with the UK's very own "Case", Bill Thompson. http://www.cheltenhamfestivals.co.uk/literature/ - now Cheltenham: that's a real cyberpunk town... Oddly, it's been a while since we've featured any of the ICA's shameful "electronic art" efforts, but SYMPHONY NO.2 FOR DOT MATRIX PRINTERS sounds just low-tech enough to be any good (12-6pm, 1999-10-05/07, ICA, London). Devised by - more Canadians! - Thomas McIntosh and Emmanuel Madan, an "orchestra" of a 12 dot matrix printers are "conducted" by a network server through 12 "PCs", via the old trick of different-characters-make-different-tones. Traditionally, this sort of thing usually elicits a comment from us along the lines of "it's 'Yankee Doodle' on the TRS-80 all over again" and we see no reason why it shouldn't this time. http://prixars.orf.at/press/musicwine.htm - not quite "The Matrix" Bill Gibson had in mind >> TRACKING << making good use of the things that we find Nice to see the camberpunk's Microsoft-sponsored anti-Tempest fonts [see NTK 1998-02-13] getting a commercial airing in Demcom's STEGANOS II SECURITY SUITE. But wait, there's more! The payware privacy pack also includes a secure drive (vanquishable with just one keypress), a password manager, and even a weird VRML file-management system for your more Hollywood-driven paranoid fantasies. Plus, of course, the eponymous steganographical features of the old software - allowing you to invisibly hide data in sound and images files. We still prefer SCRAMDISK (because it's got a similar feature-set, comes with full source and it's free), but, well, maybe you just love RC4 and want to pay the license fees. It's German, so there are no export restrictions on strength. Or there wouldn't be, if the english ordering page didn't insist on sending you to a US site. Hey, Fritz! We British are English too! http://www.demcom.com/english/steganos/index.html - ...although that's admittedly a very American thing to say http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?back=archive98/now0213.txt&line=54#l - not what MS wanted, we recall http://www.scramdisk.clara.net/ - the author's name must be hidden in here somewhere >> MEMEPOOL << hasta la altavista PHP TLC: http://www.php.net/request.php3 ... right you lot - OUTSIDE! http://www.takeitoffline.com ... let's hope she never does porno: http://home.sol.no/~lexiplut/nwt/ ... just when you've stopped having PICTURE BOX theme tune nightmares http://www.fenton1944.freeserve.co.uk/schools.htm ... Jay & Silent Bob to cameo in SCREAM 3 ... and don't get us started on TETRIS http://www.mrdandy.com/nastyvid2.htm ... PERL and Dean: http://www.brunching.com/toys/toy-adcode.html ... http://www.hit-n-run.com/cgi-bin/binks.cgi ... the alternative computing security paradigm for swingers http://www.waterken.com/BeachSex/ ... so would this be FREE ADSL? http://www.freeserve.net/highspeedtrial/ADSL.htm ... CORGI introduce "Presidential Cars" range with *that* JFK open-topped limo (but what will the others be?) ... and the Oscar for best fake fan site goes to DREAMWORK'S http://www.galaxyquest.com/ ... latest obviously-made-up Dreamcast titles: TYPING OF THE DEAD, and SPACE CHANNEL FIVE http://video.gamespot.co.uk/stories/dc/news/0,8323,2337056,00.html ... guaranteed conversation piece: GONORRHEA boxers: https://secure.pageplanet.com/healthmedia/infect.html ... guess they're used to being accused of being "a bit quiet" http://www.snipercountry.com/SniperCraft_OpenLetter.htm ... >> GEEK MEDIA << the less rude http://www.ntk.net/tvgohome/ TV>> another trashy action import joins the C5 roster in the form of movie spinoff LA FEMME NIKITA (10.50pm, Fri, C5) - each week, they recruit a different junkie woman and train her up into a lethal assassin - who then turns against them!... Arnie sends himself up rather too well in misunderstood po-mo Die Hard spoof THE LAST ACTION HERO (9pm, Fri, ITV)... and apart from the long-overdue return of the - now shopless - VIDS (rpt 1.15am, Mon, C4), there's KYTV meets "The League Of Gentlemen" in hypnotically dark genius news parody FOCUS NORTH (12.40am, Fri, C4)... a four-way movie face-off on Sat, with beneath-the-radar Baldwin brother sci-fi MIND BREAKERS (10.55pm, Sat, C5) losing out to superlative '70s pod people remake INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (11.35pm, Sat, BBC1) - scariest ending *ever*?... but first, Playstation inspiration THE DRIVER (10pm, Sat, C4) goes head-on against simple but effective Arnie shoot-em-up PREDATOR (9.55pm, Sat, ITV) - also "stars" Last Action Hero writer Shane Black, and recently elected Governor of Minnesota Jesse "The Body" Ventura (does the line "goddam sexual tyrannosaur - like me")... speaking of which, Spielberg's dullsville lesbian allegory JURASSIC PARK (6pm, Sun, BBC1) has frankly far less interest - and fewer Star Wars quotes - than pacey Helen Hunt CGI weatherfest TWISTER (8pm, Wed, ITV)... while the BBC get their money's worth out of all those Softimage licences with not just THE MAKING OF WALKING WITH DINOSAURS (8pm, Wed, BBC1), but also of course WALKING WITH DINOSAURS itself (8.30pm, Mon, BBC1) - showing, uncoincidentally, the same night that OMNIBUS profiles proto-punk has-beens Blondie (10.40pm, Mon, BBC1)... FILM>> yup, a soppy kiddie plot, but interesting casting - Jon Stewart, a more thuggish than usual Adam Sandler, a Joey Lauren "Chasing Amy" Adams who you don't immediately want to hit - plus enthusiastically misanthropic lines like "There's a bright side to being up before 11 - we can catch McDonalds Breakfast" help save father-son slacker man-comedy BIG DADDY (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/ : repeated public urination; rudeness to the elderly; leaving a five year old boy in the care of two male homosexuals; homosexual patting of genitals; homosexual statues; a general licentious disregard for that which is traditionally proper) - presumably just the first of a Rocky-style trilogy documenting the childhood, rise to fame, then tragic fall of popular UK '70s wrestler, Big Daddy... and, at last! THE FINAL CUT (imdb: drama) is the Brit-made Blair Witch-esque drama- school-improvised cinema-verite luvvie swearing fest the world clearly hasn't been waiting for, directed by the blokes behind laugh-free TV mockumentary "Operation Good Guys" and featuring Jude "Gattaca" Law, Sadie "Shopping" Frost, and Ray "fucking" Winstone (maybe Kathy Burke wasn't available)... SHINY ENTERTAINMENT>> not too quick off the mark, but we've been busy counting how many times the first OFFICIAL DREAMCAST MAGAZINE uses the word "Dreamcast", and it comes to: 407 - an impressive average of 3.5 per page. Sources say Sega are currently censoring "gratuitous swearing" (to avoid offending that notoriously prudish 18-30 male demographic) plus any mention of the console's now-mythical online capabilities... the usual crop of curiosities spotted by you on the newsstands: October's ish of INTERNET MAGAZINE advocates registering domains with underscores in their names ("A better version of the domain name would be www.against_mercy_killing.com . You could also register www.against_mercy_killings.com" - p125) - though surely that would be a .org?... the heavily publicised THE NET (with Natalie Umbrella on the front) reports Playstation games on sale online for the bargain price of UKP22 (p46) - from a games store in Ohio (chipping/ NTSC conversion are usually extra)... while the ever-vigilant LLOYD WOOD inquires over the curious usage of "World Exclusive" pioneered by MACUSER on its current G4 cover story, merely weeks after the rest of the world reviewed it... reports indicate the debut of James "DON'T CALL IT 'BIZARRE' - BUT ON THE NET" Wallis' new mag CRAZYNET *will* be at last arriving in stores next Wed (1999-10-06)... but surely the boldest launch of the month must go to the brand new unironically titled AMIGA ACTIVE magazine (UKP4.95 with CDROM), whose press deadline must have just missed the latest batch of "Amiga Now *Officially* Dead" news stories. "The Future Of Computing!" proclaims the cover, in staunch denial of all available evidence, while the editorial goes on to make - perhaps incautious - use of the phrases "shallow publications", "abysmal quality" and - of course - "dwindling market"... talking of incautious, first they go mad slagging off their masters COMPUTER TRADE SHOPPER's masthead [NTK 1998-05-15] - now they're trying to auction all their blagged gear at http://www.concordeuk.com/ - sources deny that the "charity" who benefits is their recently removed ex-editor... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. It is registered at the Post Office as "what they're surfing in the background behind Anne Robinson" http://www.bbc.co.uk/webguide/c09231999.shtml NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntk.net/books (K) 1999 Special Projects. Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/ Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com - remember your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material. Remember: Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention. Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.