Need To Know 2000-10-06

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"First Tuesday is my revenge on socialism... I keep looking for John Galt." - JULIE MYER, First Tuesday founder and ATLAS SHRUGGED fan, Wired 8.10 ...oh, is he disguising himself as a sweaty guy in a cheap suit, begging double-barrelled investment bankers to bankroll "golfing-supplies-limited.uk.com" these days, then? >> HARD NEWS << self-evident truths You wait three hundred and twelve years for an embodiment of the rights of man in law, then thirteen come along at once. Next step: enforcing a few of them online. Coming soon: 4DMEDIA's Chris "no, not that Chris" Morris' test case will investigate whether ISP's shared liability for defamatory Websites is a restriction on free speech. The Civil rights group LIBERTY is still scouting around for the perfect RIP test case. And we've had enquiries from Mike and Trish Mahoney of BLUEYONDER.COM, asking if the HRA might help them fend off the 18,000 e-mails and countless mis-hits they've received from the subscribers and staff of Telewest's BLUEYONDER.CO.UK. We're not sure if protection from "intimidation" by mistyped URLs and (in this case), messed-up bookmarks on Telewest's own installation CD is a fundamental human rights issue *per se*, but, hell, why not have a go? God knows, we'd like some court to decide whether domain names are personal property, commercial trademarks, a private address, the copyrighted property of Network Solutions, or - as some extremists claim - a mnemonic to remember IP numbers. http://www.4dmedia.co.uk/news1.htm - although it's not *really* common carrier status http://www.davros.org/legal/carriers.html - right, Clive? http://www.blueyonder.com/ - oh, we'll support anyone against The Man Good to see the sickening knee-jerk liberalism is spreading: Russia's SUPREME COURT ruled last week that the security services were obliged to inform ISPs of any surveillance orders, as the providers were legally responsible for insuring the confidentiality of their clients' communications. Contrast with the freedom-lovin' UK, where telco employees get thrown in jail for five years if they let anyone* know of the existence surveillance order, even after its expiry date passes with no police action. That said, we're still lagging behind some countries on the technological fronts: In Malaysia, the cabinet have slapped a universal ban on videogames "in view of the serious menace" caused by the degenerate entertainment. Deputy Prime Minister Abdulla Badawi says the games "become like opium to the younger generation. They have to go and play the games daily or they feel uneasy when sleeping." Like any of us sleep anymore. http://www.themoscowtimes.com/stories/2000/09/27/015.html - no more registration! new york times, are you listening? http://www.zdnet.co.uk/news/2000/39/ns-18277.html - did we mention what your boss can do now? http://www.ntk.net/2000/10/06/malay.html - shame they didn't ban overlong URLs at the same time At 23:55 on Thursday, the CGI script running KEVIN WARWICK WATCH became sentient for the first time, and decided our fate in a microsecond. In fact, we hadn't heard anything from the UK's foremost cyber-pioneer for a couple of weeks, but he may well have spent that time plotting his latest headline- grabbing foray into the realms of sense - and sensuality. In addition to the fruition of his long-hinted plans to provide himself with bat-like echolocation abilities, his new implant will, via a similar device connected to his wife, relay her experiences directly to him, with such perhaps-too-revealing applications as "never faking an orgasm again". Full details - with the exception, of course, of exactly how Kevin might achieve this near-miraculous feat of neurological wiring - appear on the main KWW page, under the headings "Technology Spells Doom For Popular Relationship-Maintaining Deception" (2000-10-05), "My Supersonic Sonar-Radar Will Help Me" (2000- 09-20), and 2000-08-25's "Kevin Could Be 'Excited' By Wife Looking At Other Men". http://www.kevinwarwick.org.uk/ - Half man. Half machine. Not much cop. http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/1/13781.html - hard-hitting Register satirists nicking our jokes again >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious JOBS calls worldwide Apple hiring freeze: still, needs to eat: http://17.254.0.116/cgi-bin/t3.cgi/tafs/extShowDescription.taf?_req=1469820 ... book for kids with ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER - only 1 page long: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0962162981/ ... "porn" appeared on-screen, and everyone just gathered round: http://www.allnetdevices.com/wireless/news/2000/09/22/arrests_in.html "Windows Free Zone" store http://store.linuxjournal.com/ vs http://www.netcraft.com/whats/?host=store.linuxjournal.com ... KELLOGG'S send out G-R-R-R-REAT! big 1MB email to list members, from "Tony the Tiger"... "What's WAP" area at http://www.vizzavi.co.uk has setup details for just Nokia 7110 and Ericsson MC218 - a spot-on snapshot of WAP as of November 1999... "Logic Bomb" cyber-commentator STEVE BEARD debuts on JG Ballard mailing list, tells everyone about his IDLER article, then sends unsub request to entire list... search THE REGISTER for "Dave the Goth"... IT workers strangely not immune to drug-taking seen in all other well-paid businesses: http://www.latimes.com/news/state/updates/lat_techdrug001001.htm "Many chinks in China's stellar FDI inflows", gaffes http://www.financialexpress.com/fe/daily/20001004/fec04088.html Amazon's PENS now compatible with Win95 *and* 98, NT, 2000!: http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00004XS51/ ... soft- launching with fists flying - it's INDUSTRY STANDARD EUROPE: http://www.thestandardeurope.com/article/display/0,1151,11469,00.html >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful Yes, approximately 97% of NTK-featured events take place in either London or California, but there's just something about those two venues that seems to actively invite our heartless mockery. Fortunately other regions have been getting in on the act recently, thanks to the touring efforts of cod-corporate "edutainments" like BBC FUTUREWORLD, drawn to our attention by reader DAVID DEANS, and enthralling the inhabitants of both Bristol and Portsmouth until at least the end of October. Leading one to suspect that they comprise bits of stuff that were part of a failed Millennium Dome bid, Deans reports that the exhibitions are "run by some odd part of the BBC which tells us how excellent it is", as well as heavily sponsored by BT. Attractions (at the Bristol one at least) include free admission, a manga Peter Snow, endless digital TV propaganda, and trying to view pr0n on the inadequately firewalled PCs. "Crap," Deans concludes, "but in a cool-spazz0 sort of a way." http://www.bbc.co.uk/futureworld/ - hey, if it was a "Westworld" theme event, we'd be interested http://www.evolutiontv.co.uk/ - in Leeds, 2 days of "convergence" bollocks; and in London... http://www.hatehypnotizer.net/ - now, *this* doesn't sound like a corporate publicity prank http://www.unmatched.org/ - "Top people trade small talk over big drinks." KILL US NOW! >> TRACKING << sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering Excuse From The NT Fascists That You Can't Run UNIX on Your Desktop Machine #478: "We use Netmeeting a lot here". Yeah, right. The smug answer comes courtesy of, you'll be pleased to hear, an obscure telephony standards initiative. OPENH323 is a set of drivers supporting the ITU's videoconferencing protocol, which just happens to be the same standard used by Microsoft's Netmeeting. The 1.1 version has just slipped out of beta. The whole thing is a bit of a beast to install, and not quite past the "hello? helloooo?" stage, but then what Internet telephone isn't? Video4Linux and FreeBSD videograbbers are supported. Confirm that those conference calls aren't worth your precious time today! http://www.openh323.org/ - remember: shots of your genitals may contravene workplace etiquette http://www.netmeeting-zone.com/news.asp - "we're not getting complaints about sexual content any more" >> MEMEPOOL << hasta la altavista combining http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~reshko/PILOT/overview.html with http://palmfun.multimania.com/en/MainFrame.html to make *more* little autonomous robots... if NATHANs spoke in subtitles: http://www.mosquitostudios.com/temp/truthadv.mov ... no wonder he's been forced to go back to professionals: http://www.punternet.com/board/posts/42678.html ... reassuring chaperone-style emphasis on not leaving individuals alone with NUCLEAR WEAPONS: http://www.contrast.org/onkruit/lessons.html ... "viewers complained about the contents of five episodes from the [6-episode] series" of Chris Morris' JAM, reports http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/entertainment/newsid_956000/956452.stm - implying one episode got *no complaints at all*: is Morris "losing his touch" a little nowadays?... hack 'n' slash GAUNTLET: http://www.vex.net/~smarry/yip/gauntlet.html ... METALLICA not too worried: http://www.eminemesis.fsnet.co.uk ... GUARDIAN Christoper Walken imitates ONION Christopher Walken: http://www.theonion.com/onion3011/walkeninla.html vs http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4068100,00.html ... ELTINGVILLE COMIC BOOK, SCIENCE FICTION, FANTASY, HORROR, AND ROLE-PLAYING CLUB - The Animated Series... >> GEEK MEDIA << the not on-holiday http://www.tvgohome.com/ TV>> cndb reports extensive "shower nudity", speculates Sly's penis may have been "edited out" of Stallone/Stone bomb disposal bomb THE SPECIALIST (9pm, Fri, ITV), filling in between now-every-other-week Bond films... speaking of Bond films, it's a very special week for dodgy movie franchises, with HIGHLANDER (10.30pm, Fri, BBC1), the enthusiastically daft video game adaptation MORTAL KOMBAT (10.50pm, Sat, ITV), OMEN III: THE FINAL CONFLICT (12.40am, Sat, ITV), CANDYMAN (10pm, Mon, C4), BATMAN AND ROBIN (9pm, Thu, C5), and the perhaps too-revealingly-titled DARKMAN III: DIE, DARKMAN, DIE! (11.20pm, Mon, BBC1)... and MTV VJ Trey Farley makes a bid to control all Saturday morning as he hosts both late-night porn clip-show LOVES LIKE A DOG (2.20am, Fri, C4) and the new-look LIVE AND KICKING (9.15am, Sat, BBC1)... decision time for fans of all-American retards as the COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS (9.05pm, Sat, BBC2) go up against FORREST GUMP (9pm, Sat, BBC1)... meteorologists are issuing a double "Richard E Grant" warning on Sunday, incorporating JACK AND SARAH (9pm, Sun, C4) - instead, watch Chris Farley's BEVERLY HILLS NINJA (9pm, Sun, C5) - and KEEP THE ASPIDISTRA FLYING (10pm, Sun, BBC2) - instead, watch SWINGERS (11.05pm, Sun, C4)... while EQUINOX (9pm, Mon, C4) and HORIZON (9.30pm, Thu, BBC2) go head-to-head in the exciting-science stakes with shows about fast cars and giant tidal waves, respectively... like Tupac Shakur before him, death seems to have done wonders for Gene Roddenberry's productivity, with the arrival of his latest space-opera ANDROMEDA (8pm, Mon, Sky1) - also look out for Tia Carrere Tomb Raider-alike RELIC HUNTER (1pm, Sun, Sky1)... and sure, we thought http://www.everyonehatesattachments.com would come out funnier, but we'll give ATTACHMENTS (9pm, Tue; 11.20pm, Fri, BBC2) one last chance to make some more really hideous technical errors before we give up on it altogether... FILM>> intended as an academic exercise - to see how just many different Eddie Murphy roles, CGI/ prosthetic special effects, and bodily function gags could be crammed into Janet Jackson Touretting-genius slapstick NUTTY PROFESSOR II: THE KLUMPS (http://www.capalert.com : portrayal of oral sex by an old woman; flatulence, even to music; animal copulation [twice]; feces as missiles from a giant hamster; rape of a human male by a giant male hamster with interest in continuing the relationship)... the highly-public cutting of Ben Moor's role http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4066192,00.html is just one reason to boycott lame "and you thought 'Human Traffic' was behind the times" clubs 'n'n drugs rave SORTED (imdb: Tim "Rocky Horror" Curry, Jason "Rocky Horror" Donovan, Tim "Blue Peter" Vincent, Kelly "Big Breakfast" Brook - together at last!)... so, frankly, your only real hope is advance previews of Tom Green's peripatetic "American Pie" remake ROAD TRIP (imdb: fraternity / politically-incorrect / room-mate / road-trip / sex / snake / marijuana / college / party / dirty-videotape / sperm-bank / french-toast / drugs / story / girlfriend / cheating / gross-out-comedy / mistaken- mail / foot-fetish / mouse / person-eating-mice)... CONFECTIONERY THEORY>> a mixed verdict on this month's major arrival, the CADBURY'S SNOWFLAKE: DERYCK RAWLINGS reported that, although white chocolate gives him migraines, his "young lady" pronounced it "absolutely yummy", enabling Cadbury to "regain my favour after the Shush disappointment"... "white choc doesn't taste of anything," analysed trainee chemist TOM ANDERSON: "[Snowflake] also lacks the top-drawer chocolate that makes this architecture work for Ripple", while adding "a truly alarming cross-sectional appearance" and a "nasty aftertaste" which he promised to investigate using his gas chromatograph... so the casting vote goes to SIMON GREENWOOD, who persuasively argued: "There is a vague delineation between the white and milk chocolate but [the bars] are made all the more delicious by the spectacle of the airhead Turner and her new hubby [appearing in] such a crappy picture"... on the import front, the ground-breaking http://www.cybercandy.co.uk crew have now added New Zealand, Japanese and Chinese faves to their line-up, as well as US classics such as ThinkGeek-style PENGUIN CAFFEINATED PEPPERMINTS (UKP2.65, also available in "Decaff" form). Kiwis specialise in choc-covered marshmallow bars - as with CADBURY'S PINKY (UKP1.20, pink marshmallow), CADBURY'S CHOCOLATE FISH (69p, also pink), and PASCALL'S PINEAPPLE LUMPS (UKP2.45, pineapple flavoured, yellow) - while the ever-expanding Japanese range includes such beautifully packaged delights as MEIJI CHOCO BABY (UKP1.45 - normal or strawberry varieties) and LOTTE CHOCOLATE SNACK KOALAS (UKP1.89, empty box makes excellent desk-ornament), as well as the inevitable taste-surprises like CHELSEA YOGURT SCOTCH (UKP1.37, boiled sweets with "The Taste of Old Scotland"), and HI-SOFT GREEN TEA flavoured toffees (UKP1.23)... reassuringly, our UK sweet-industry seems to be more than holding its own, as DAVID CHALLENDER alerted us to "the ice cream version of those green triangle chocs found in Quality Street"; DAN CALLADINE unilaterally awarded new FOX'S JAM 'N' CREAM ROCKY BISCUITS the prized plaudit of "nicest Rocky ever"; and WAYNE WILLIAMS enthused over KELLOGG'S TOFFEE FROSTIES, the "coming soon" NUTRIGRAIN ELEVENSES ("am incredibly excited by the prospect of being able to replace all my meals with small chewy bars") and, inexplicably, WESTLIFE BUBBLEGUM, "spotted at a service station on the M6"... great work team - your targets for this month include CADBURY'S TANGO CRUNCHIE (rrp 35p), MARS' "WHO NICKED THE NOUGAT?" LIMITED EDITION SNICKERS and, leaked to us from a Mars secret test-site, SKITTLES MINTS http://www.ntk.net/2000/10/06/skittles.jpg - sub-flavours include "Coolmint", "Peppermint", "Spearmint", "Sweetmint" and, of course, nature's very own "Toffeemint"... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. Registered at the Post Office as "if he had actually *talked* to us, he'd realise we like cereals much, much more than the next guy" http://www.guardianunlimited.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4064822,00.html NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? 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