Need To Know 2001-03-09

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"Oftel has just published the latest instalment of the LLU guidelines, which lay out the rules for allocating space for DSL equipment in exchanges. The rules also specify how space for equipment will be located in toilets, offices, car parks and other areas of existing local exchanges." - http://www.silicon.com/a43071 ...BT encourages new providers to install "near the Blue Goldfish" >> HARD NEWS << who's taunting who? Biggest excitement at COMPUTERS FREEDOM AND PRIVACY this year? Wired News' DECLAN MCCULLAGH getting nabbed by government agents after the Carnivore debate. Sadly for Dec's rep, the pair weren't after him for "knowing too much" - or even *writing* too much, for which they'd have a much better case. No, this was just another weirdly scattershot subpoena in the Treasury's ongoing case against JIM "Assassination Politics" BELL (also known as the one net.kook more libertarian than Declan). MCCULLAGH now joins JOHN "Cryptome" YOUNG in unwilling witnesses called in the case. Boy, you'd think that if you were forcing people to reveal supposed threats to the State, you'd choose people who were known to *stop* blabbing about them from time to time. http://www.politechbot.com/ - you'd also think wearing an NSA t-shirt would protect you but nooo http://jya.com/ap.htm - we sense the gubbermint may be a little ... codependent with these folk Meanwhile - and we'd say in accordance with prophecy, but we never thought it'd pan out like this - after buying up a big bunch of The Big Breach (and obviously selling *all* of them, clearly, no problems there), noted secrecy/privacy busters 192.COM have apparently liberated their own content, and are now offering a free bookz version of the Tomlinson autobio. Of course, now it's readily available and you don't have to go through the fun of self-righteously mirroring it, the book itself is kinda boring, but you can get it in Word format, presumably with KGB Macro virus and MAC number of Tomlinson's desktop PC included. Think we'll wait for the seven-line Perl precis. http://thebigbreach.com/download/ - have we recommended that anonymizing proxy yet? Sure, we've all wondered about the accountability of charities who receive large sums of public money from time to time - but few of us have had as much opportunity to do something about it as WIPO who, next week, we believe are due to decide the fate of leonard-cheshire.com, "a work of interventionist art" constructed by disabled people - who happen to occasionally criticise UK charity THE LEONARD CHESHIRE FOUNDATION (who, naturally, own the non-profit leonard-cheshire.org). It's impressive to see just how much ill-will this apparently well-meaning care-provider has generated (over its alleged institutionalisation of disabled people and priorities in distribution of funding); leonard-cheshire.com's defence in the domain dispute argues that it clearly identifies itself as an "anti-Leonard Cheshire Foundation website", and should therefore not be mistaken for the "real thing" - unless of course the "real" site also includes such playfully satirical content as "What can I do if I do not like disabled people and want to see them banged up in institutions away from the community and only let out in controlled groups with lots of 'carers' to protect the public from their hideous presence?" http://www.leonard-cheshire.com/pages/pictures.html - "fast facts" at http://leonard-cheshire.com/pages/fast.html http://arbiter.wipo.int/domains/cases/2001/d0000-0199.html - that .sucks TLD got here just in time http://www.societyguardian.co.uk/voluntary/story/0,7890,423065,00.html - conference to "improve public confidence": sounds expensive... >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious "total UK internet marketing expenditure" = UKP600 this year: http://www.ntk.net/2001/03/09/doh600.gif - enough for 75 race meetings: http://www.ntk.net/2001/03/09/doh8quid.gif ... NETSCAPE users "may not be able to take full advantage" of UK WEB DESIGN ASSOCIATION: http://www.ukwda.org/netscape.html ... PETER TATCHELL forwards ONION's "Eminem Releases Single About Hugging Elton John Then Ripping His Dick Off With Pliers" to mailing list, later apologises for perpetrating "hoax"... http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/6/17420.html vs http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/archive/15418.html ... BBC off chasing WOOZLES http://www.machaon.ru/pooh/chap3.html : http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/business/newsid_1210000/1210087.stm ... counting the days: http://www.aolwatch.org/bush.htm vs outright DENIAL: http://realguide.real.com/channels/ ... your MUM's so uncool, she watches: http://yourmum.mtv.co.uk/ ... http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/ "not suitable for an 8-YEAR OLD CHILD"... does the Geneva Convention cover CHINESE BURNS? http://www.ntk.net/2001/03/09/dohira.gif ...is this the lamest ONION ripoff of all time? http://www.theschmews.com/ ... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful We've been a bit slack over this year's COMPUTER SECURITY COLLOQUIA at the LSE (Wed 2001-03-14: "Future Technology/ Future Information Security", with David Lacey of the Post Office). After that, there's always the looming threat of the complex emotions elicited by COMIC RELIEF - sure, you'd like to help, but there's always the lingering doubt that you may, in some small way, be unwittingly prolonging the careers of Lenny Henry or Richard Curtis. One initiative we feel we can give our typically half-hearted support to is the DUBBLE BAR (RRP around 35p) - "Milk Chocolate With Caramelised Crisp Rice", produced in keeping with "Fairtrade" principles and perhaps uncharitably described by NTK readers as "rather too sweet for me - each rice grain seems like it's been injected with sugar" (Tim Aidley) and "just a really thick version of Dairy Crunch with not very good chocolate" (Mike Gray). We, however, kind of liked it - though it does pale in comparison with the shockingly tasty Organic range launched this week by NTK e-commerce affiliates CYBERCANDY, our personal favourites being the bars with big chunks of apple and orange and ginger and stuff in. http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/pmet1.php?xdbc=ORG&dbtc=1&pic=0 - tell your friends that the turtles are "chocolate starfish" http://www.comicrelief.ac.psiweb.com/dubble/Dubble_Click.html - yet no link to http://www.divinechocolate.com/ http://csrc.lse.ac.uk/colloquia.htm - hair-raising anecdotes on envelope sniffing and stamp fraud >> TRACKING << sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering You know the problem. You've upped your BogoMips, padded out your address space with cheapo SDRAM, slotted a couple of forty giggers in your bays: your desktop is at eleven. Except for one thing. Your average load: a pathetic 0.01. That needs to be rounded up. But with such conspicuous consumption tendencies, you're just not the type to donate them to some fly-by-night key-cracking, ET-searching, AIDS-curing distributed "effort". No, you need MGM. Written by Ogg Vorbis' very own Xiphophorus, MGM (which stands for Moaning Goat Meter, you crazy WIPO people) is a load meter with a catch: the principal load is itself. It's written in Perl-TK. It thrashes itself silly measuring system params about once every other instruction. It take plug-in. It show spinning fish. It look real pretty. It take up more RAM than Emacs. No, really. http://www.xiph.org/mgm/ - worth it for the FAQ alone http://www.xiph.org/archives/mgm-announce/ - first plug-in: measures MGM's own RSS bloat and so on and so on >> MEMEPOOL << frott the hotbot new craze in JAPAN - artificial nails that glow when you're receiving a mobile call... ALL YOUR BASES is new "Mr T Ate My Balls": http://www.maficdesign.com/ayb/mrt.swf ... US wire story: http://www.vny.com/cf/news/upidetail.cfm?QID=163936 imitates: http://www.thebrainstrust.co.uk/article.3.60.html ... loathe TREES? here's your big chance to have your say!: http://www.camden.gov.uk/young/fairplay/trees/treequestions.cfm ... barmy-looking NASA boffins imitate start of INDEPENDENCE DAY: http://www.spaceweather.com/glossary/nasameteorradar.html ... Dr Phlox: from C5's "Pepsi Chart" to infinity and BEYOND!: http://www.trektoday.com/news/040301_01.shtml ... BT network capacity: http://www.labs.bt.com/news/00-12-15.htm imitates: http://www.tuxedo.org/~esr/jargon/html/entry/phase-of-the-moon.html ... http://www.char.tv/ ... Scientologists now targeting BURROUGHS fans: http://www.ntk.net/2001/03/09/harmaline.jpg ... http://www.jesuschristsuperstore.net/ more heavily armed than http://www.trainupachild.com/ ... very "special" SAILOR MOON attack: http://www.tcp.com/doi/smoon/char/taiki.html ... got some gags out of New-Zealand-census-email, the BBC have: http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/uk/newsid_1204000/1204829.stm ... >> GEEK MEDIA << get out less TV>> former Simon Quinlank sidekick Kevin "Alan" Cecil co- stars in the extended Robot Wars/ Fight Club spoof episode of SPACED (9.30pm, Fri; 12.25am, Sat, C4)... commemorating a decade when the undead once again walked the earth, EVIL DEAD II (10.35pm, Sat, BBC2) and Kathryn "Point Break" Bigelow's NEAR DARK (11.55pm, Sat, BBC2) follow on from I LOVE 1987 (9.05pm, Sat, BBC2) - which, by the way, had better not overlook the publication of the "Watchmen" graphic novel and the release of "Beat Dis" by Bomb The Bass - events which, as far as we're concerned, effectively marked the start of the modern era... while this week's autistic spectrum appearances include idiot-savant exaggeration docu FRAGMENTS OF GENIUS (7.40pm, Sun, BBC1), a fictionalised version of the same thing in RAIN MAN (10.55pm, Sun, BBC1), plus a pair of high- functioning Asperger's syndromers in FIRST SIGHT (7.30pm, Thu, BBC2, London only)... despite its title, 3-part manned-mission docu DESTINATION MARS (8pm, Mon, C4) isn't a sci-fi movie from 30 years ago - these are now reserved for weekday afternoons in the form of MAROONED (1.10pm, Mon, C4) and time-traveller QUEST FOR LOVE (1.10pm, Wed, BBC2)... and, once again, there's something of a shared theme among "The Great Dot.Con" special of THE MONEY PROGRAMME (7.30pm, Wed, BBC2), "Jamie's Internet fantasies begin to intrude on reality" in entertainingly filmed teen trash AS IF (6pm, Thu, BBC2), and the "Searching for Sex" edition of TROUBLE AT THE TOP (9.50pm, Thu, BBC2), on 17 year-old child prodigy Benjamin Cohen's mission to create the world's most Jewish porn search engine, or something: http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/archive/15847.html ... FILM>> essentially a feature-length adaptation of the Spinal Tap track "Bitch School" - with an extended role for Lt "I'm joking of course" Hookstratten who shows them round the air force base - means top marks for the reassuringly barking BEST IN SHOW (http://www.screenit.com/movies/2000/best_in_show.html : Phrases: "Sh*tbox," "I sh*t you not, you freak," "Loser(s)," "Bitch" (for dogs, said several times), "Freaks," "Taking a dump," "Shut up," "What the hell is this?" and "Nuts")... this week's other gem is limited-release NY mole people docu DARK DAYS (http://www.darkdays.com/ - caution: Flash)... otherwise James "Stargate" Spader plays a cop unhealthily obsessed with Keanu Reeves' unhealthy obsession with Marisa Tomei in THE WATCHER (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/watcher_the.htm : explosively startling programming; teen arrogance against fair authority; female underwear mag in man's apartment; blow to the head) - first of this year's major releases featuring Ernie "Ghostbusters" Hudson... or, speaking of unhealthy obsessions, there's "strong language and some moderate sex references" in this year's 'This Year's Love', the postponed- release Brit comedy BORN ROMANTIC (imdb: Jessica "Spaced" Stevenson, Sally "Smack The Pony" Phillips, and Jane "bloody" Horrocks - together at last!)... NASTY, BRITISH AND SHIRT(S)>> feverish speculation over the contents of NTK's "Spring Collection" can now be (temporarily) stilled, as we reveal that our first new T-shirt design - unveiled today at http://www.ntkmart.com/ - is something of a timeless "retro classic": a screenshot of BBC Micro "Elite" with the letters "NTK" pasted into it! Respect is due to shadowy creators "Violence Through Kittens" for volunteering to donate their royalties to NTK's adopted PC-recyclers the Redundant Technology Initiative (and for keeping the original GIF down to less than 4K in size); kudos also to Elite authors Ian Bell and David Braben, who we did ask to check that they didn't mind, and they said "fine"... which makes this month's Runner-Up that "Bruce" guy again - who, attendees at our Christmas Party may recall, recklessly agreed to gamble his royalties from the "I got UKP80million in venture capital" design on a print run of one of his other ones - specifically the deviously renaissance-man slogan "iMachiavellian: Think dissident", printed in a curiously familiar-looking font in delicate light blue on a gorgeous "graphite" dark grey shirt. And we've even managed to get some of our old favourites available in both sizes - Medium *and* XL - next we might even consider shipping to the US, if they really beg for it... still, if you think you can do better, the good news is we're planning at least one new design every month now until we get bored - plus we're setting up some sort of gallery of entries that we're still "not sure about", which currently includes HANDANOVA's surreal http://www.geekparty.net/tshirt.html , JEREMY ARDLEY's RIP-aware http://www.ardley.org/shadowsml.jpg (based on http://www.nara.gov/exhall/powers/shadow.jpg ), and NICK SZCZEPANIK's text-only back-print "WARNING: I SLOW DOWN FOR SHOE SHOPS", to be printed in "in women's sizes only", and allegedly inspired by "his girlfriend". Though we're definitely calling a moratorium on those fucking Einsteins who've proposed some sort of "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" variant - SIMON BATISTONI is partly forgiven for "NTK: They Set Us Up The Bomb - Now We Have Set Them Up It Back" - but, attention reader HARRY HARRIS: "All Your Memes Are Belong To Us"? You're going to have to try harder than that... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. Registered at the Post Office as "They had robbed our restoration nonupdated, we rob here to her hour behind" ( still amusing ourselves with http://www.telalink.net/~carl/multibabel/ ) NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntkmart.com/ (K) 2001 Special Projects. Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/ Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com All communication is for publication, unless you beg. Press releases from naive PR people to pr@spesh.com Remember: Your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material. Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention. Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.