Need To Know 2002-01-04

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"Some newsgroups are believed to be sponsored by Internet porn barons, who seduce new clients with cybersex as they learn to 'crack' software. Once they have started down this path, hackers face a very gloomy future..." http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/dynamic/news/story.html?in_review_id=486444 - ...Gloomy? Free warez *and* cybersex? Where do we sign? >> MINI NEWS << it's all about *you* Yup, normal service resumes next week but, until then, a couple of clarifications on some of our wilder statements of the past few weeks. First, last issue's DESIGN-YOUR-OWN- STYLESHEET CONTEST does *not* mean that NTK will be going over to a CSS-only format, as feared by reader PETE: "No, please don't do it", he begged, "and screw all us fine folk who browse with v3 tools such as OffByOne. CSS is the Devil's work". "The evil of CSS spreads," agreed NICK DRAGE. "And there was me hoping that the Interweb would adopt the NTK look as standard". Rest assured, the default NTK front page will maintain its browser-agnostic monospaced glory - but those deviants who persist in complaining about it being "hard to read" will now have the option of applying their own style sheets so they can try and improve it themselves, as perhaps even the most cursory glance at our sample URL would reveal: http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?style=http://www.ntk.net/ntk.css . Second, December's announcement of NTK'S 5TH BIRTHDAY BASH (due in May) has led to unexpectedly feverish speculation - not least on the http://www.everyonehatesattachments.com/ board, where suggestions have included a "TV detectives" fancy dress party, and a "Logan's Run theme" ("Ahh, the fiery ritual of carousel. Renew! Renew!"). What we actually had in mind was more of a day-long conference-style event, like Access All Areas used to be, but with probably more emphasis on hardware. All we now need from you are suggestions on: speakers you'd like to see (you are allowed to nominate yourself), activities you'd like to participate in, and venues which you think might tolerate this kind of behaviour. Currently we're torn between the flashier conference venues (probably in London, sorry) and the grittier down-to-earth ambience they have at Anarchist Bookfairs (has anyone been to Charing Cross Road's "Open" Club since 1999's "Expo Destructo"? What's that like nowadays?). Mail us at tips@spesh.com if you've got any ideas - and you can always dress up as TV detectives or Logan's Run characters afterwards, if you really feel the need to. >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious ads, Aussie-style: http://www.ntk.net/2002/01/04/dohhot1.gif http://www.ntk.net/2002/01/04/dohhot2.gif ... hmm, I'll pick "Index of /_borders": http://www.lockpicks.co.uk/contents.htm ... "Phases I and II" - the securest hyperlinks of all time?: http://www.nssg.gov/About_Us/about_us.htm ... "our internet speed has been upgraded to 2 MHz" gibbers ORANGE cybercafe: http://www.orangestudio.co.uk/prices/ ... "UKP8-10 per year"?: http://jobsearch.monster.co.uk/getjob.asp?JobID=13550745 - F-OFF!: http://www.gojobsite.co.uk/showvac/WRsjfJ/428401/910048335 ... and let's see yer fancy DYSON vacuum cleaners do *that*: http://www.ntk.net/2002/01/04/dohlipo.gif ... probabilistic grave-locating skills of Senior Researcher at MICROSOFT: http://www.research.microsoft.com/users/horvitz/revbayes.htm don't appear to include "looking up where it is on the net": http://www.bayesian.org/bayesian/bayes.html ... "cooming soon": http://dotcomargentina.net/ , while company motto of http://leesoft.net/ appears to be "we are making better"... "NT enthusiasts" even rarer than previously thought: http://www.ntk.net/2002/01/04/dohnt.gif ... and let us pray that the bandwidth harvest does not fail again this year: http://www.ntk.net/2002/01/04/dohwick.gif ... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful OK, here's a tough one. Of course, we're broadly in favour of any initiative which encourages users to ditch AOL and venture out onto the big wide internet. And that's the basic idea of the X-AOL workshops (3-5pm, Sat 2002-01-26, downtown LA, free) - the catch being that they're intended to help *artists* start 2002 AOL-free, conflicting directly with NTK's own ongoing campaign to "Keep Artists Off The Net". And if you're a sensitive, creative artistic soul who hasn't yet realised that there's something a bit odd about using AOL - then, by definition, isn't AOL probably the best place for you? http://www.onramparts.org/x-aol/ - c'mon, help wean ordinary folks off "The Connie" as well >> MEMEPOOL << ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/ BRIDGET JONES's bad language gets her into another hilarious scrape: http://qwer.org/frickingoogleurls020104 ... can *you* guess which particular Flash-design company it's based on?: http://www.monkeon.co.uk/roncoweb/ ... http://cexx.org/hc/ vs http://www.panackove.cz/data/_subpct/handicap.mpg ... industrial sex aids: http://www.chinavibrator.com/ vs http://www.drjoelkaplan.com/electricpump2.html ... porn fishin': http://www.amateurcenterfolds.com/tgp/GL4/giantlure6.html ... if Charles abdicates: http://dccsa.com/greatjoy/whoisthe.htm , then who's next in line for that all-important ANTICHRIST role?: http://maxpages.com/kingarthur ... and what would it be like if Smirnoff made TV ads for CARLING BLACK LABEL?... http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/1725000/images/_1729022_richardreid150ap.jpg vs BILL THOMPSON: http://www.andfinally.com/images/coffee.jpg ... a-ha-ha-ha: http://www.w3schools.com/downloadwww.htm ... it's the "G'gugvunts" and the "Vl'hurgs" all over again: http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=1315618885 ... well, at least they left a note - or was it a CRY FOR HELP?: http://suicide-parasuicide.rumos.com/ ... >> GEEK MEDIA << the doesn't-need-Flash http://qwer.org/tvsellout/ TV>> end of the decent holiday movie season is officially heralded by model-helicopter assassination nonsense SHADOW CONSPIRACY (11.15pm, Fri, BBC1), low-budget Cronenberg armpit porn RABID (12midnight, Fri, C4), and C5's near-annual showing of Russ Meyer's FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! (12midnight, Fri, C5)... Sky1 shows Trek movies IV-VI (9pm, Fri-Sun, Sky1) as a build-up to the UK debut of ENTERPRISE (8pm, Mon, Sky1) - does the dialogue not refer to the shower scene so they could get script approval from any surviving Rodenberrys?... C5's Nicolas Cage Wig-Out-Scene season begins with BIRDY (10.55pm, Sat, C5) and continues with Michael Bay's bioweapons bonanza THE ROCK (9pm, Tue, C5)... Falklands War anniversary repeat EXOCET (8.05pm, Sat, C4) isn't as good as the BBC's "Decisive Weapons" one about the Sea Harrier... and Harry Knowles- championed "Red Dwarf"-alike SPACE TRUCKERS (12.35am, Sat, BBC1) is just as bad as that sounds... SEX LIFE (10pm, Sun, BBC2) earth-shatteringly reveals people are having more sex than ever before, despite evidence to the contrary in pompous Arthurian epic EXCALIBUR (9pm, Sun, C5)... BIG TRAIN (9.30pm, Mon, BBC2) gets another series, for no readily apparent reason... it's "Jonathan on Jonathan" when Ronson reveals THE DOUBLE LIFE OF JONATHAN KING (10pm, Mon, C4)... and almost everyone except the bad guys are playing themselves in Howard Stern biopic PRIVATE PARTS (11.20pm, Mon, C4)... Tue sees two pugilistic glimpses behind-the-scenes, with Muhammad Ali docu classic WHEN WE WERE KINGS (10.15pm, Tue, C4) and, more puzzlingly, LION BATTLEFIELD (9pm, Tue, BBC2)... Thu is tough for fans of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, with the haunting "The Body" episode at 6.45pm on BBC2, and the mildly disappointing season 6 resurrection at 8pm on Sky1... RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (8pm, Thu, BBC1) shows "Lord Of The Rings" how it should be done... while BBC2's ever-popular "Attachments" appears to have been replaced by a surefire ratings-winner about genetic diseases, BITTER INHERITANCE (9.50pm, Thu, BBC2)... FILM>> goofy Owen Wilson is excellently miscast - or is he? - in flawed-ending gung-ho Bosnian romp BEHIND ENEMY LINES (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/behindenemylines.htm : vulgar gesture; defiance of direct orders; reckless gunfire; order to abandon serviceman to prevent risking peace effort; battle brutality and coldness)... David "Twin Peaks" Lynch serves up his usual overlong mix of baffling surrealism and attractive unknowns in repurposed TV-pilot MULLHOLLAND DRIVE (http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Mulholland+Drive : [Naomi "Jet Girl" Watts] is brightly lit and offers several good, lingering shots of her firm, perky breasts. In addition, this cute blonde is actually a very good actress, both with and without clothes. She makes the two and a half hours of this David Lynch-directed nightmare bearable to watch)... or Robert Redford takes on brutal prisoner governor Tony Soprano in A-Team-style feelgood military cliche-fest THE LAST CASTLE (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/lastcastle.htm : Finally, a prison movie with no male nudity or homosexual rape)... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. Registered at the Post Office as "back now" http://web.ukonline.co.uk/sotcaa/35_xmasbook_deb02.html (plus, censorship fans, didn't this used to end with "Legs Broken"?) http://web.ukonline.co.uk/sotcaa/19_xmasbook_brooker.html NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net NTK is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.geekstyle.co.uk/ (K) 2002 Special Projects. Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/ Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com All communication is for publication, unless you beg. Press releases from naive PR people to pr@spesh.com Remember: Your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material. Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention. Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.