Need To Know 2002-09-20

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"'We've put the crack pipe away,' said Chris Kitze, who invested $9 million of his dot-com fortune to revive Wine.com, one of the Web's biggest busts, with a strategy that mostly promotes the sale of premium wines." ... while guzzling down the rest in the backroom. No crack though! http://www.cnn.com/2002/TECH/internet/09/18/second.webshots.ap/index.html >> HARD NEWS << shark pools Are you - or have you ever met - a member of the LIBERAL DEMOCRAT PARTY? If so, there may yet be time to encourage them to debate our old nemesis - the proposed UK implementation of the European Union Copyright Directive - at their conference in Brighton next week. An Emergency Motion has been put forward, but still has to be voted far enough up the running order to make sure it'll actually be discussed, along with matters of such vital contemporary importance as "Maritime Piracy and Armed Robbery Against Ships". A peaceful delegation from the Campaign For Digital Rights are going down there to provide moral support, as part of a general awareness-raising campaign which kicks off next week - in case you need reminding, the EUCD is bad because it curtails most "fair uses" of digital media by introducing DMCA-style penalties for circumventing copy-protection schemes. Oh, and if anyone has any idea how to pull a stunt like this at the Labour or Conservative shindigs, we're all ears. http://www.xenoclast.org/free-sklyarov-uk/2002-September/003313.html - next week: write to your MP, or PGP all your MP3s http://uk.eurorights.org/files/press-releases/20020920.txt - funny how these things are always at the seaside Some strange inconsistencies in the coverage of the US anti- paedophile operation OPERATION CANDYMAN. The Independent reports that the 7,300 suspects - of which "hundreds" are from Britain - were credit-card subscribers to a pay-per-view child porn site. Steve Silberman's exhaustive and disturbing Wired account, "The United States of America v. Adam Vaughn", on the other hand, maintains that they joined a free Yahoo group which gave "for people who love kids" as its public description. That, you would imagine, might create a slightly higher risk of false positives. The Independent's credit-card site was discovered by a "curious internet user browsing through the millions of websites"; Wired's Yahoo group by an undercover FBI agent Geoff Binney after three months of research. What's strange is that they appear to be talking about exactly the same operation. And if the press can't handle these technical distinctions, here's hoping that the courts can - even if US judges are still asking "What are GIF files?" during their prosecutions. http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/10.10/kidporn_pr.html - "One click, you're guilty" http://www.independent.co.uk/story.jsp?story=333096 - and what are these three Houston servers? Who hasn't, in a shameful moment, wondered whether it might be *worth* spamming the world and its "world89231" hotmail account for some crazy yet lucrative cause? Well, thanks to the correlative nature of spamming and stupidity, you can see what to expect when you finally sit your moral compass on the electromagnet of desire. Someone has been sending out a spam asking for help finding "Metaphysical Margot", a girl they met once in New Mexico. Those who are in the habit of handing over personal details (their own and/or Margot's) to anonymous spammer/stalkers are directed to an online form. With a predictable disinterest in privacy, the Margot hunter has left all the submitted details on a Web page. It's pretty impressive how much bile can be packed into a simple text box: the just-about-safe-for-work suggestions include a Margot-sighting in the "One Hour Room" in a mexican hotel, several curt personal messages from unmetaphysical Margots the world over, and a smattering of queries from piqued journalists and naive dogooders across the world. Still, to see the statistical ratio between furious antispammers and clearly fake leads is commendably high, hopefully preserving all of our scruples for another day. http://becky.frankhostsnetworks.com/findme/data/findme.txt - wow, this is going to trip off a few work anti-hate speech filters http://becky.frankhostsnetworks.com/findme/data/findme.save - "WHY THA HELL ARE YOU LOOKIN FOR ME!!! " >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious as the world waits for the next PUERILE GOOGLE MISSPELLINGS: http://www.google.com/search?q=%22steaming+video%22+-wired , "penisnula" , "facitity" and, that instant shortcut to the flamewars of idiots: http://www.google.com/search?q=pureile . Also, some dispute over who this generator really belongs to: http://www.google.com/search?q=%22have+installed+a+250+KW+industrial%22 ... makes you read the show summary in a slightly different light: http://www.ntk.net/2002/09/20/dohadult.gif ... THE OFFICE DVD "Special Features" promise "exclusive frottage": http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000063W2U/ ... the welcome return of an old favourite - WIDDECOMBE OF THE WEEK: http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/0297645730.02._PE99_PI_SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg ... MSN background pic promotes "new bread of SECRET AGENT": http://www.msn.co.uk/specials/xxx/ ... BBC tackles one of "the most difficult problems in mathematics" with early MacOS calculator: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/sci/tech/527914.stm ... comedy web translations continue, down at "Lime-of-Bottoms": http://216.239.35.120/translate_c?u=www.chaux-de-fonds.ch/fr/tourisme/ ... Yell.com "has several business types related to the term": http://search.yell.com/search/DoSearch?screen=VAL&businessType=cunt ... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful Obviously if you're anywhere in the region then you should be going to the FOUNDATION FOR INFORMATION POLICY RESEARCH MINI- CONFERENCE: A FAIR DEAL FOR COPYRIGHT (5.30pm, Wed 2002-09-25, Hong Kong Theatre, Clement House, London School of Economics, London WC2A, free but RSVP by email) - see coverage elsewhere in this issue. And we don't want to see you fanboys sneaking off early to the likes of THE MOUSE(TM) VS THE MOUSE, an ICA talk on the use of computers in comic-book artwork, featuring DAVE "Watchmen" GIBBONS and DAVE "Sandman covers" MCKEAN (7pm, 2002-09-25, the ICA, London SW1Y, UKP8). Because - how can we put this? - we believe that the European Union Copyright Directive constitutes a greater threat to life as we know it than Lex Luthor, Magneto and Galactus put together. http://www.fipr.org/events.html - only 90 mins long, but continuing in the pub afterwards http://www.ica.org.uk/index.cfm?articleid=8621 - and they don't mean McKean taking photos of bits of cables http://www.oxfordplayhouse.com/calendar/pages/talks.htm - Pinker speaks tonight, in creole of his own devising http://www.cobd.co.uk/yakfestpage.htm - Oxford retro event on Sat: just down the road from St Hugh's http://www.gabba.net/pnp/lofiframe.htm - London open LINE IN night on Sun, in disused public toilet >> TRACKING << sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering DVDSYNC is a low-level Windows filter that can sit between a DVD player and your DVD player software, and mess with data streams and controller commands on the fly. There's not much there yet but what there is demonstrates the great promise of the design. Already You can create your own subtitles (there are already some improved English subs for Gauche the Cellist, and a couple of other anime tracks). In the future, we imagine, you'll be able to perfectly sync-up extra audio tracks or even skin your own DVD menus. There's also, ahem, a filter to take out any DVD zoning information before it gets to the DVD playing software. In other words, a really useful utility for DVD watchers - and anyone who likes improving on the creativity of others - which will have the military- industrial-entertainment complex spitting blood. This is what TCPA, EUCD, DMCA and any anagrams thereof were cynically designed to smack down. Get it while you can. http://www.roundelay.net/dvdsynth/prerelease.html - despoiling our DVDs with homemade content? Who could want such a thing? http://www.yil.com/columns/column.asp?columnist=ebert&date=020201&page=01 - Ah. And wasn't killing Siskel enough of a warning? >> MEMEPOOL << ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/ still holding out for the President Clinton made out of porn: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2100456623 ... when will the public tire of topical satire in popular website formats?: http://www.defectiveyeti.com/iraqevite/ , http://ftrain.com/cgi-bin/l_operation.cgi?num_ops=10 , http://www.talibanreunited.com/ ... things to do on a rainy day: http://www.emanator.demon.co.uk/bigclive/makendo.htm , http://lurk.org/ ... what it sounds like, when drives die: www-1.ibm.com/support/docview.wss?org=hdd&doc=4B1A62A50F405D0D86256756006E340C ... close enough: http://www.dictionary.com/search?q=sociophobe ... warshitting: http://www.computertorture.com/portaloo/ ... "genuine Disney product": http://www.weirdco.com/prod04.htm - but it doesn't even produce "a burst of fruit flavored ooze": http://www.ausomecandy.com/us/static/frooze.html ... an elaborate pun on "CAV (Constant Angular Velocity)" discs?: http://groups.google.com/groups?q=%22gay+laserdisc%22+beam ... http://www.saysgod.com/ ... only 7 glaring errors in the past year: http://www.ananova.com/about/?keywords=Corrections ... as the old showbiz saying puts it - leave 'em wanting more: http://www.greatbritishpiers.co.uk/ ... >> GEEK MEDIA << get out less TV>> the sparks fly between Tommy Lee Jones and Anne Heche in piping-hot geothermal thriller VOLCANO (8.30pm, Fri, ITV)... Tom Hanks talks about his latest role - a brooding, tormented hitman - in PARKINSON (10.25pm, Sat, BBC1), intriguingly contrasted with his turn as Dan Aykroyd's brooding, tormented sidekick in DRAGNET (11.25pm, Sat, BBC1)... and it's a very special week for fans of low-rent Buffy knock-offs, in the form of James Cameron's daft DARK ANGEL (7.15pm, Sat, C5) http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4118407,00.html and the Crystal Method-themed WITCHBLADE (8pm, Mon, SciFi)... Sharon Stone almost steals the show from de Niro in Scorsese's typically epic CASINO (10pm, Sun, C4)... there's hardly any Janeane Garofalo in ROMY AND MICHELE'S HIGH SCHOOL REUNION (9pm, Sun, C5)... but you still can't go far wrong with John Woo's last good film FACE/OFF (9pm, Sun, BBC1)... C5 replaces its 7 o'clock arts slot with contemporary discussion programme LIVE WITH CHRIS MOYLES (7pm, Mon-Fri, C5)... the new slew of autumn shows continues with Steven "Press Gang" Moffat's filthy "Friends"-alike COUPLING (9pm, Mon, BBC2), and a new series of THE LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN (10pm, Thu, BBC2)... though surely ratings pressure isn't behind the likes of THE MONEY PROGRAMME SPECIAL - PORN STAR! (9.50pm, Tue, BBC2), or indeed THE REAL LINDA LOVELACE (10pm, Thu, C4)... THE X FILES (9pm, Thu, Sky1) at last reaches some sort of long-drawn-out conclusion... Kevin Warwick pops up in the "Pleasure" episode of UNTHINKABLE (9pm, Thu, SciFi)... and never mind historical accuracy, let's hear more Nazi nuclear physics ethics dilemmas in excellent discussion drama COPENHAGEN (9.10pm, Thu, BBC4): http://www.guardian.co.uk/saturday_review/story/0,3605,672310,00.html ... FILM>> shockingly, only a limited release for the rarefied arthouse appeal of Eliza "Faith" Dushku and DJ "Road Trip" Qualls in high-school gross-out nerd-revenger THE NEW GUY ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/newguy_the.htm : brutalizing a midget; sensuous [Dushku] dancing to entice in brief swim wear; little more than an exercise in discovering how many ways natural inhibitions toward sexual immorality and behavioral aberrations can be violated)... the family of the voice of the Ford Mustang in "Team Knight Rider" are shocked to find she's marrying dopey Chris from "Northern Exposure" in zany ethnic self-stereotyping exercise MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING (imdb: baptism/ country-club/ cousin/ etymology/ extended-family/ greek-dancing/ intoxication/ lamb/ make-up/ parthenon/ travel-agency/ vegetarian/ wedding/ windex/ zit)... the "Bring It On" reunion week continues as Jesse "Hackers" Bradford discovers not only that Erika "Traffic" Christensen is a big fan of swimming, but that her ISP appears to have at least 84 other users with the eponymous email address SWIMFAN ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/swimfan.htm : bully rudeness; planning cohabitation for sex; teen girl stripping to underwear to "swim" when she cannot swim; skipping class to meet a boy)... while the director of "American Beauty" and the presence of Tom Hanks don't exactly point to "a thrill-packed rollercoaster" for 1930s soul-searcher THE ROAD TO PERDITION ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/road_to_perdition.html : [Jude Law] is a hitman who kills various people; some impressionable kids might get the wrong idea about killing people after seeing such occasionally nonchalant behavior)... BONERS: CORRECTIONS, CLARIFICATIONS, AND "INCORRECTLY REGARDED AS GOOFS">> we're reassured that at least 2 people - namely SEAN D SOLLE and LLOYD WOOD - expect NTK to be so error-free that they wrote to complain about a "misplaced apostrophe" a couple of weeks back. Fair cop, lads, but we do get away with "goto's considered non-harmful" every week - what if it was the classic greengrocer's "Potato's considered non-harmful", or indeed "Goto's 45p"?... rather more insightfully, MJ RAY was one of several to point out that "interface" can also mean places where different religious communities meet, which rather took the wind out of last month's lame Macintosh joke: http://www.ntk.net/2002/08/23/dohfaith.gif ... but only RONAN WAIDE observed that the title of Robert Rankin's "The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse", as inadvertently promoted in NTK 2002-09-06, appears to have several online antecedents, including http://nerv.cx/hcbd/about.html - though to Rankin's credit, instead of the full "Apocalypse", it's usually just "Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of Death"... GARETH OWEN was sufficiently traumatised by Alton Towers' WEBMASTER - AN ADVENTURE ON ICE [NTK 2002-08-02] to describe it as: "Imagine if your local amateur dramatics group decided to produce 'Tron: The Musical' and spent UKP12.65 on special effects and costume, casting Ricky from Eastenders as Jeff Bridges, Bargain Hunt's David Dickinson as David Warner and added a supporting cast composed entirely of rictus-grinned synchronised swimmers". That said, "some of the skating's OK", apparently... DAN SHEPPARD got all the way to the end of the consultation paper on the European Union Copyright Directive http://bugbear.blackfish.org.uk/~bruno/2001_29_ec.txt to discover that, yes, the Patent Office had directly consulted such intriguing sources as the "Guild of Hairdressers" and the "Chinese Takeaway Association"... while MARTIN BACON merely mused that "if Alan Turing was alive today, the homosexuality would be OK but he'd be in trouble for codebreaking"... yet the most unusual criticism we've had for months came from a MailMarshal inbox filter responding to NTK 2002-06-28, which proudly reported that "farting" had been "Triggered 1 times" upon that issue's arrival, producing a profanity weighting of "60". Now we might have got away with that, had we not also triggered "analsex OR anal sex" in that same workplace, with a significantly lower weighting of "50" - which, depending how you look at it, seems either astonishingly prudish or remarkably open-minded. We still can't decide which... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. Registered at the Post Office as "asking the important questions" http://www.theonionavclub.com/avclub3834/savage3834.html NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.geekstyle.co.uk/ (K) 2002 Special Projects. Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/ Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com All communication is for publication, unless you beg. 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