Need To Know 2002-11-29

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>> HARD NEWS << grudging thank-you's This week, our American cousins like to say thanks, and give something back for the gifts they've received the rest of the year. Considering the "gifts" NTK gives out, that's usually our cue to lie a little low. But, for the record, we'd like to formally deny giving the gift of unemployment to accidental spammer DAVID DOCHERTY, who has left his job at Telewest just a week after accusing us of being "quite fair". He will be concentrating on his novels, and endlessly prattling about how the future of broadband lies with ex-television producers like, well, off the top of our heads - himself? http://media.guardian.co.uk/broadcast/story/0,7493,848939,00.html - "developing a number of new broadband services independently" http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?b=02002-11-08&l=47#l - slightly too broad, slightly too independently Neither did we - we think - give the gift of hubris to open source evangelist ERIC S RAYMOND, whose personal blog - "Armed And Dangerous" - uses logic and free thought to reach the same certainties that sixteen pints of "Ayn's Old Prejudicial" and a roomful of cab drivers might manage in an evening. Previous heated debates in Eric's head have included male homosexuality (they like little boys), the nature of Islam ("warlike and bloody", the lot of 'em), and dietary tips (meat and two veg: it's evolution, mate). But only this week, Eric has invented a way that Al-Qaeda could cripple America, sworn himself and his conspirators to dread secrecy, then reassured the world that should bin Laden's cronies try to torture him for his secrets, he will give them a "very short education in what the wrath of Allah is really like". Next up: following a politically motivated cop-shooting in California, Eric asks when *is* it acceptable to gun down a police officer? When, he argues, they come to round up all the guns, pornography, computers, or Jewish people in your area. (We're guessing that should they come for the homosexuals, Muslims, or non-Atkins dieters, get a second opinion before opening fire.) Oh, we'd like to think that it's just one big troll, but there's a real tone of desperate decline to it all. It's like watching Larry Ellison channel Charlton Heston; it's like Cliff from "Cheers" truly going postal; but most of all, it's like finally realising you no longer have to defend Eric S Raymond to anyone any longer. And for that, thanks for a true gift from God. http://armedndangerous.blogspot.com/ - what all the best-informed terrorists are reading nowadays And you - how could you express your notional free-floating gratitude? Well, you could not buy any videogames during the week Sunday 2002-12-01 to 2002-12-08, as proposed by the FAIRPLAY CAMPAIGN FOR CHEAPER VIDEOGAMES, who'll be protesting the high price of gaming with leaflets and cosplay "stunts" outside high-street stores. The campaign has gathered a wide variety of support, ranging from games journo firebrand STUART CAMPBELL to former Tomorrow's World presenter LINDSEY FALLOW and e-commerce site BARKMAN ONLINE. And, sure, it'll be tough getting through the next 7 days without hot-off-the-presses copies of "Powerpuff Girls: Relish Rampage" (PS2), "Rugrats: I Gotta Go Party" (GameBoy Advance), and the Spearmint Rhino- endorsed "Private Dancer" (PC only), but desperate times call for desperate measures, and anything that winds up humourless games-biz body ELSPA is OK by us. http://www.fairplay-campaign.co.uk/morequotes.htm - buying t-shirts, however, is fine http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/29/elspa.gif - Can we still rent games? Go to arcades? Buy warez? http://www.gamesindustry.biz/content_page.php?aid=581 - hey, it's no "Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball" >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious send http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio2/shows/terry_wogan/ "to a friend", watch BBC mercilessly censor own URL... not very puerile GOOGLE misspelling, but still quite an funny one: http://www.google.com/search?q=%22qaulity+assurance%22 (see also "quality asurance", "quality assuance", "quality assurace", "quality assurane" etc) - and just for old times' sake: http://www.google.com/search?q=%22Wayne+Kerr%22 ... "Java" compatible: http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/29/dohnort.gif - use for optimising performance of Breville's new fax-blender: http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/29/dohblend.gif ... ironic use of "Title here"?: http://www.atacama.co.uk/ ... "remember your descendants" page: http://www.gazprom.ru/eng/ecology/ to be "available later"... one suspect "linked to al Qaeda" (pic): http://www.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30000-1067444,00.html ... bit of politics: http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/29/dohis.gif ... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful Thanks to the generosity of NTK readers (well, Sheffield's Redundant Technology Initiative, mainly), the mysterious "Resurrection of the Macintoshes" ritual will be going ahead at tomorrow's DRAGONMEET role-playing convention (10am-11pm, Sat 2002-11-30, Kensington Town Hall, London W8, UKP7). These ancient Apple machines, weathered many different shades of beige, will be used to create an entire RPG during the course of the day, just one of a list of attractions which also includes Games Workshop, MechWarrior, Dune LARP, the British Isles Traveller Support group, and - as ever - John Kovalic, creator of "Dork Tower". Continuing the "Blue Peter"-style "events seeking hardware" appeals, bunker-based LAN party G2002 (from 9.30am, Sat 2002-12-14 to 2002-12-16, Kelvedon Hatch, Essex UKP40), are offering "UKP25 off a 3-day ticket" to the "first person to promise to bring a 48-port 100mbit switch to the event", if you get in touch before Sat 2002-12- 07. It's not quite how they selected the future of humanity in films like "Deep Impact" and "When Worlds Collide", but there you go. http://g2002.bash.sh/ - contact them direct if you've got one, btw http://www.dragonmeet.com/ - from the folks behind http://www.hogshead.demon.co.uk/ http://udel.edu/~trevor/camelot/hibernia/mentalist.shtml - result of a random search for "mentalist". Sorry. http://is.lse.ac.uk/Events/ESRCseminars/seminar2.htm - next week: Hong Kong phooey with Stallman on Mon & Tue >> MEMEPOOL << ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/ "no one could buy or pre-pay for calls unless he had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of his name": http://www.rense.com/general31/nokia.htm ... THE ONION: http://www.theonion.com/onion3844/very_special_forces.html imitates: http://www.theonion.com/onion3502/very_special_forces.html ... meanwhile the cutting-edge satirists of MAD MAGAZINE: http://www2.warnerbros.com/madmagazine/files/onthestands/ots_424/bunion.html make same pun, hark back to glory days of November 2000: web.archive.org/web/20001121005600/thesatyr.com/archives/websites/bunion.htm ... PRINGLES not supplied: http://www.cantenna.com/whatis.html ... ROSS TRUEMAN leaves Popjustice, ponders Beckham kidnapping possibilities: http://www.popgossip.fslife.co.uk/mainpage.html ... http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/airport/airport.html - what next? watches? gold fillings?... BUSH learns from experience: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/021126/168/2rgzc.html vs last year: http://www.apechild.com/images/gwturkey.jpg ... >> GEEK MEDIA << get out less TV>> literal "historical reconstruction" show BUILDING THE IMPOSSIBLE (9pm, Fri, BBC2) takes on the challenge of making a wooden submarine - next week, they attempt a clearly quite possible Roman siege catapult, rather than, say, a chocolate teapot... the better-than-you'd-expect movie selection includes Farrelly-brothers feelgooder THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY (9pm, Fri, ITV), above-average giant-worm sequel TREMORS II: AFTERSHOCKS (11.20pm, Fri, BBC1), plus Brit sci-fi classic THE DAY THE EARTH CAUGHT FIRE (1.15am, Fri, BBC2)... and another crime writer reckons that makes them some sort of expert in IAN RANKIN'S EVIL THOUGHTS (7.05pm, Sat, C4)... De Niro is intriguingly cast against type as an obsessive stand- up in Scorsese's funniest film, THE KING OF COMEDY (11.35pm, Sat, BBC2)... Adam Baldwin is abducted by sex-mad aliens in sci-fi nonsense MIND BREAKERS (12midnight, Sat, C5)... and the difficulties faced by Thai male-to-female transsexuals are sensitively portrayed in NO COCK IN BANGKOK (1.40am, Sat, C4) ... Sunday is Greta Scacchi night as she plays Maggie Thatcher in JEFFREY ARCHER - THE TRUTH (9pm, Sun, BBC1) and a nudity- prone Kenyan contemporary of Jacqueline "Servalan" Pearce in WHITE MISCHIEF (11.30pm, Sun, BBC1)... while a tedious street magician stands on a pole in DAVID BLAINE'S VERTIGO (9pm, Sun, C4)... a divorcee demonstrates how to pull in car parks in HYPERSEX (9pm, Tue, BBC2)... HITLER'S BRITAIN (9pm, Tue, C5) looks at how things might be if the Nazis had won - for a start, would there be more WW2 documentaries, or less?... and might we also have been spared the horror of STAR WARS EPISODE 1: THE PHANTOM MENACE (8pm, Tue, ITV)?... THE GREAT REALITY TV SWINDLE (10.35pm, Tue, C4) appears to refer to a specific incident, rather than the overall genre... the incessant cross-promotion continues in THE REAL JAMES BOND'S GADGETS (8pm, Wed, C5)... and a Playstation games tester becomes an racing driver in FAKING IT (9pm, Wed, C4), contrasting with Edge magazine's opinion that profiling videogamers would have been no use when HUNTING THE WASHINGTON SNIPER (8pm, Thu, C4)... FILM>> Jennifer Lopez learns "Krav Maga", official martial art of the Israeli army, which involves: using the environment to your advantage; hitting your opponent where they're most vulnerable; and then bulldozing their house, in women's beat- em-up ENOUGH ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/enough.html : [Lopez] wears a low-cut tank top that shows some cleavage, and shows some again in a different outfit)... original "Hannibal Lecter" Brian Cox is back again in complex man-boy-love Long- Island-Expressway acronym L.I.E. ( http://www.cndb.com/ : quick rear shot of a very sexy late 30s early 40s [Bruce Altman] boffing his girlfriend against the wall)... "You're only supposed to blow the bloody villagers up" is presumably not one of Michael Caine's lines in 1950s Vietnam-war romantic allegory THE QUIET AMERICAN ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : rated 15 for grisly war images)... or it's Tim "Buzz Lightyear" Allen, Judge "Beverly Hills Cop" Reinhold, and Michael "Commander Worf" Dorn - together at last! - in depressingly seasonal kiddie-pleaser THE SANTA CLAUSE 2: THE MRS CLAUSE ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/santaclause2_the.htm : flatulence; plastic form of nude human posterior; some instances of "Santa magic"; Christmas without Jesus)... DRESS DOWN FRIDAY>> yeah, we know, today is "Buy Nothing Day" http://adbusters.org/campaigns/bnd/ - but if you live outside the UK and don't order a t-shirt before next Friday, you might not get it before Christmas. But anytime before then is fine. Now back to tempt you at http://www.ntkmart.com/ is a new white-outlined version of the NTK "They Stole Our Revolution" design, available for the first time in traditional sysadmin black; other people's protests like the FairPlay Campaign, the Corrupt Disc logo, and the Redundant Technology Initiative; plus old favourites like "Adminspotting" and a "Hi-Score Table" which now glows in the dark... thankfully, nothing too seasonal in your compo entries this month, with MATTHEW ALDOUS taking an early lead in the "What the?" stakes with his command line suggestions of "shirt | tee", "Hi^Ha^H^H" (translates as "Hi. This is funny. Forget it", he claims), or even "ntk^U^Y" - "implying the NTK meme has been copied". ANDY BRICE joined the hardcore fun with his "catch ( exception& e ) {cerr << "Thats weird\n"; cerr << "It works on my machine\n";}" though we also enjoyed "Philip Glass half empty", anonymously suggested without any indication of whether it was supposed to be a t-shirt slogan or not. Yet the most poignant took the form of BOB JORDAN's sober, retro-games-style reminder that we all only have "1 Life Remaining", TAM FREESTONE-BAYES' "Treat me like an object" definition http://tamagen.com/tshirt1/ , and KASS SCHMITT's riposte to all those "geek girl" ideas we got a while ago, the patch error "1 out of 1 hunk FAILED". As ever, let us know if you can't get by without one of the above in your wardrobe, or if you've got any better ideas... "Buy One, Subvert The Mass Media, Get One Free" submissions have meanwhile continued in their own erratic fashion, with (presumed) NTK reader DAN LAUFER unexpectedly popping up in games trade mag DEVELOP wearing one of our old "Ant Attack" shirts - evidence at: http://www.geekstyle.co.uk/images/ . No free shirt for him, though, as "Develop" doesn't technically qualify as "mass media", a rule which 2001 winner VORTEX also fell foul of when he appeared on BBC London local TV news talking about war driving (again). Undeterred, Vortex reckons you'll definitely be able to identify his shirt in his next scheduled appearance on global internet, cable and satellite "Reuters TV", though he has so far neglected to tell us when. Watch the skies, readers - keep watching the skies... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. Registered at the Post Office as "not here to defend himself..." http://www.googlism.com/index.htm?ism=danny+o%27brien&type=1 NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntkmart.com/ (K) 2002 Special Projects. Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/ Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com All communication is for publication, unless you beg. Press releases from naive PR people to pr@spesh.com Remember: Your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material. Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention. Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.