"[X-Box 2] also will have about 256 megabytes of dynamic
random access memory. But Microsoft will upgrade that to 512
*gigabytes* if Sony puts in more..."
- San Jose Mercury reports proportionate response from MS
http://www.ntk.net/2004/02/06/dohgiga.gif
...Sony to counter with claims of "infinity" memory in PS3,
vague threat that "their dad" may also become involved
>> HARD NEWS <<
not what accrues
In accordance with NTK prophecy: the BBC's Scambusters TV show
was a somewhat toothless investigation where they played dumb
pranks on Nigerian fraudsters and didn't really delve into the
mechanics of pyramid-style schemes. Which is a shame, because
the latter are really taking off thanks to the net's rapid
spread of information and increasing acceptability of online
payment systems. Search for "iPod" by price on eBay.co.uk, and
you get a lot of "40GB for UKP20" offers, many linking to those
sites where you pay your money to get onto a list (sometimes
called a "matrix"), and apparently receive your gadget after a
certain number of other people join up, who then get theirs
after their quota join, and so on. The way they're classically
structured, however, means the number of new bargain-hunters
required to chip in increases linearly for each additional
joiner (try it with letters of the alphabet to check), so even
a favourable-looking 4:1 joiner:payout ratio means that, say,
the 10th member will be waiting for 33 others to sign up
before getting anything (or, more likely, everyone gives up).
We don't know what makes us angrier: the lack of mathematical
common-sense here, or the callous targeting of potential iPod
purchasers - by definition, an unusually suggestible and
vulnerable segment of society.
http://qwer.org/ebayUKiPodsByPrice.html
- probably a violation of eBay (and PayPal's) T&C's?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/watchdog/scambusters/programme_1.shtml
- best tip: "If it sounds too good to be true, it is"
EMERGING TECH, that other not-a-weird-pyramid-selling
recruitment-cult-honest, is about to start in San Diego. As
usual, a sizeable squadron of British waifs and strays will
be coming over, with nothing but their talk clutched in one
hand and a dream of a better life (or at least somewhere
where people don't laugh when they say "blogorator"). To
combat any adjustment problems you may have, the NTK Halfway
House will be running its traditional cynicism and
bitterness outlet sessions offsite at Em3rg1ng L0ft, our
local shanty-town for those unable to afford proper
accommodation. Party on Wednesday, we suspect. And for those
of you who can't afford Emerging Tech, but are seriously
considering a standby hop to San Francisco to sleep on
floors and go to CodeCon, there is talk of lightning-talk
roundup of the previous conference on the evening of Monday
16th. More info if it happens next week.
http://www.commonhouse.net/wiki/em3rg1ngl0ft
- tea and refreshing lack of sympathy
Once again, we really hope we're not single-handedly
propping up the .name business with these ironic purchases.
"I am now the proud owner of http://thisdomain.hasno.name/",
writes NICK CLARK, "Still, 24USD for 1 year's registration.
Am I being ripped off?" Excluding our commission, we think
you'll find that's actually quite reasonable. Others have
been vicariously enjoying the registrations of others -
"whois sex.sex.name has a lot of dongs in it!" crows ANDY
PRYKE (who really should know better than to go for the
"funny surname" taunt). But it's DORIAN MOORE who takes the
winning biscuit with his slow decline to the very bottom of
the barrel: "After realising I could have someone.elses.name ,
I just had to have every.ones.name. Then I decided that,
finally, all.you.name/are/belong/to/us was where this was
heading". Horrifically inevitable - but when you start
messing with namespace, especially the .name namespace of
names, this is what you reap.
http://www.nic.names/
- they should have known: RealNames never stood a chance
>> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
yeah, but if you think about - houses are bigger nowadays:
http://www.ntk.net/2004/02/06/doh1in3.gif ... mixed sales
messages: http://www.ntk.net/2004/02/06/dohsat.gif ... mixed
feelings about new baby?: www.ntk.net/2004/02/06/dohrose.gif
... Widdecombe of the Week: http://tinyurl.com/2sfup ...
return of the abstract web illustrations (moderately NSFW):
www.avn.com/?Primary_Navigation=Articles&Action=View_Article&Content_ID=72431
... Frontpage redefining web standards of "clean code", while
you wait: http://www.ntk.net/2004/02/06/dohfrot.gif ... what
they could've won: http://www.ntk.net/2004/02/06/dohbully.gif
... Co-op cynicism: http://www.ntk.net/2004/02/06/dohemp.jpg
... plus this month's Google goofs musically-themed special:
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22singer+dongwriter%22 ,
Codplay, pooyphonic, mutilmedia (ie, jpegs of piercings etc),
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22send+it+along%22+%22tears+of+a+clown%22 ...
>> EVENT QUEUE <<
goto's considered non-harmful
Not going to ETCON? Well, here's a chance to enjoy yourself
while all those touchy-feely social software hippies are out
of the country - Strange Attractor will be channeling a new
kind of DARK ENERGY through regular Russell Square venue The
Horse Hospital (from 7pm, next Tue 2004-02-10, UKP6), in the
form of a "Mindclash" between "Techgnosis" author Erik Davis
and Fortean-flavoured writer Ken Hollings, plus a showing of
1950s UK scifi film "Fire Maidens from Outer Space". The event
may also mark the debut of the organiser's first "Journal of
*Un*popular Culture" - and, before you ask: no, you *don't*
get in for free if you turn up dressed as Garth Merenghi.
http://www.strangeattractor.co.uk/talks.html
- vs "Greetings, Pilgrim": http://www.garthmarenghi.com/
http://www.memetank.net/mt/archives/000154.html
- speaking of slightly-behind-schedule magazines...
>> TRACKING <<
sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering
After purchasing a webcam, one's mind naturally alights to
one application. Then when you realise dancing naked with a
hat on in front of three strangers makes you feel... soiled,
one quickly moves on to experimenting with pattern
recognition. PYMORPH is a fascinating bundle of image
processing hacks that will help you with the latter (and
maybe the former). Running with Python on Windows (and,
with some .EXE zipfile dismantling, Unix), it's a toolkit
of routines for "image segmentation, non-linear filtering,
pattern recognition and image analysis". Like much code
that drops fully-formed from academia, most of it looks
incomprehensibly like crashed saucer technology. But what's
nice about Pymorph is how many explanatory demos are
included that visually step you through the magic of the
algorithms: "mmdchickparts" shows you how Pymorph can
automatically classify chicken bones. "mmdcookies" visually
separates broken biscuits from nice round ones. And for
those of you still looking for WMDs and the like,
"mmdairport" detects runways in satellite imagery. Just
playing around with the demos is enough to give you ideas.
And not those bad sick ideas you're trying to escape from,
either.
http://www.mmorph.com/pymorph/morph/mmdemos/index.html
- start with the demos
>> MEMEPOOL <<
contains a source of http://snackspot.org/
same old joke, always liked it: http://www.nice-tits.org/ ...
"Kevin Bacon" experts - do not be taken in by "6 Degrees of
Bevin Kaye" con: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1508744/ ...
new "one of these not safe for work like the others" (sigh):
http://images.google.com/images?q=peapod ... "back way"
machine, more like!: http://web.archive.org/web/*/goatse.cx
... "Raargh!": http://www.dea.gov/pubs/intel/01008/raver.gif
... top tip: create the impression that you're carrying out
background Google searches while on the phone by laboriously
spelling out key phrases then interjecting random facts into
the conversation... A66 - highway to the "Danger Zone":
http://www.streetmap.co.uk/newmap.srf?x=376959&y=519160&z=5
... how homepages used to sound before blogs spoiled it all:
http://www.edu.lahti.fi/~lloikkan/ ... Mozilla build goes one
better than Microsoft, deletes all non-Mozilla applications:
http://www.mozillazine.org/talkback.html?article=4264 ...
>> GEEK MEDIA <<
get out less
TV>> Armando Ianucci risks falling back on the old "Because
that's what the civil service *are really like*" in BRITAIN'S
BEST SITCOM: YES MINISTER (7pm, Sun, BBC2)... a column in this
week's Radio Times intriguingly argues that bowel cancer is
never going to rival AIDS as the subject of star-studded TV
events like ANGELS IN AMERICA (9pm, Sat, C4)... though neither
ailment seems exotic enough to satisfy C5's medical curiosity,
evinced in a double-bill of THE WOMAN WITH THE 14-STONE TUMOUR
(8pm, Sun, C5) and THE WOMAN WITH THE MYSTERIOUS BRAIN
(8.30pm, Sun, C5)... every time we use one of those syringe-
based inkjet-refilling kits, we never tire of recreating Sarah
Connor's "Open it or he'll be dead before he hits the floor"
scene from TERMINATOR 2 (9pm, Sun, C5)... TRAITOR (6pm, Mon-
Fri, BBC2) is the latest attempt to create a Prisoner's
Dilemma-style game show... and ULTIMATE ATTACK HELICOPTERS
(8pm, Mon, C5) is to be retitled for the international market
as "The USA's Most Expensive Flying Targets For Rocket-
Propelled Grenades"... Brunel must create a brass exoskeleton
to counter Stephenson's galvanic railgun in steampunk drama-
docu MEN OF IRON (9pm, Mon, C4)... the trailers are using
Orbital's "The Box" rather than Andrew Lloyd Webber's chart
hit version of the game theme for the story of TETRIS: FROM
RUSSIA WITH LOVE (9pm, Mon, BBC4), part of a "Computer Night"
that also includes HARD DRIVE HEAVEN: THE HISTORY OF THE HOME
COMPUTER (10pm, Mon, BBC4) and perhaps a glimpse of Steven
Poole's furrowed brow in TRIGGER HAPPY: THE INVINCIBLE RISE OF
THE COMPUTER GAME (10.30pm, Mon, BBC4)... SOMEBODY'S DAUGHTER,
SOMEBODY'S SON (10.35pm, Mon, BBC1) implies that having Peter
Sellers as a dad was like living with a real-life Inspector
Clouseau... Victoria "Harry" Harrison's mentoring tips for
this week's "rock chick" FAKING IT (9pm, Tue, C4) presumably
include releasing a a lame cover version, some dire sub-
"Tranvision Vamp" self-penned numbers, then disappearing
completely from the public consciousness except for a token
"Never Mind The Buzzcocks" appearance in about 5 year's time
http://www.h-a-r-r-y.com/index2.htm ... and, after a terrible
BBC4 version of his Perrier-winning show, hopes aren't high
for Demetri Martin's COMEDY LAB (11.05pm, Tue, C4)... Linda
"Freaks and Geeks/ Scooby Doo" Cardellini joins the cast of ER
(10pm, Wed, C4) ... a tech-support guy is transformed into a
bionic NSA agent in nano-nonsense JAKE 2.0 (8pm, Thu, Sky
One)... Sandra Bullock becomes a hard-bitten beauty queen in
Shatner nerd-makeover amusement MISS CONGENIALITY (8pm, Thu,
C5)... and Jack Bauer leaves the CTU Counter Terrorist Unit to
join what he mistakenly believes to be its British equivalent
- the Broadcasting Entertainment Cinematograph and Theatre
Union BECTU - in the new, more light-hearted series of 24
(9pm, Thu, Sky One)...
FILM>> yes, it's got an interesting indie cast, and it's a bit
like Lee and Herring's "cool teacher" sketch crossed with
"Dead Poets Society", but everything else turns out just a
little bit thin in predictable Jack Black vehicle SCHOOL OF
ROCK ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/schoolofrock.htm :
violation of school procedure; urination; there is great power
in expression through music, but abuse of that power by modern
artists is the problem)... age appears to be no barrier to
romance between Jack Nicholson, Diane Keaton and Keanu Reeves
in sitcom-style sassy OAP frolic SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE
( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2003/something's_gotta_give.html :
[Amanda Peet] first removes her top to reveal her in a
camisole or similar lingerie; we see a brief shot of
[Keaton's] bare breasts as well as a full shot of her with one
hand/arm over her chest and the other covering her crotch as
she races away)... while the limited releases offer you
bonkers European cinema homage THE DREAMERS ( imdb: 1960s/
brother-sister-relationship/ friendship/ paris-france)... or
an equally romanticised view of the East End, with Luke Goss,
Steven Berkoff, Leslie "Dirty Den" Grantham and his former TV
wife Anita Dobson in retro gangster romp CHARLIE (press ads
unfortunately make it look like the former Bros singer is
fronting a "hip to street slang" anti-drugs campaign)...
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
"two minutes on Dave Gorman's mouth tractor"
http://www.antics.org.uk/
NEED TO KNOW
THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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