>> HARD NEWS <<
patent shoos
Should be a fun time at the DTI conference centre this
Tuesday: the Patent Office has been inviting sceptics and
their MPs for an open discussion of software patent policy.
Anyone who has emailed their MP would be invited, Lord
Salisbury told his invitees. Which is odd, because Alan Cox
didn't get an invite, and neither did any of the FFII's most
dedicated correspondents. And of course the press will
*definitely* not be invited, although they do get the thrill
of an official (DTI-only) "summary" in the afternoon. Never
mind: just to see how open discussions go, the FFII is
holding a briefing of its own. Just after the official
"discussion". In the local pub. Ah, there's a group who
knows what journalists like.
http://www.ffii.org.uk/
- all free software campaigns end up feeling like CAMRA in the end
So, this Christmas, what *do* you get the friend who has
everything? Probably something they no longer want from
their spottily-updated Amazon wishlist, same as last year.
Alternatively, how about IBM's latest blockbuster product,
NICL? A product of IBM's internal skunkworks, NICL - or
"Network Identity Configurator for Linux" - can save you
"multiple-man months in system configuration", instantly.
Send your "friend" a link to the FAQ, or the detailed tech
evaluation forms for more info. Hopefully that should delay
them realising that it's just a shell script for changing
your hostname. But so beautifully, *beautifully* wrapped!
http://www.alphaworks.ibm.com/tech/nicl
- warning: license evaluation takes "at least 4-6 weeks"
Or, for more sensitive minds, how about Hector, the
Protector Dolphin? Hector, says NETSAFE NEW ZEALAND, is a
"friendly, smart dolphin" which swims in the corner of the
computer screen. "If a child encounters something
frightening or upsetting", Netsafe writes, they can just
click on Hector, who will "swim down and cover the screen
until an adult comes to help". Hector is sponsored by
Microsoft New Zealand who, we suspect, have finally found a
use for the annoying Clippy technology. Together, we'll beat
goatse.cx!
http://www.netsafe.org.nz/hector_protector/hector_protector_default.aspx
- Skrrrkt! What's that Hector? Thai women want to do what, how? Skrrkkrrrt!
>> EVENT QUEUE <<
GOTOs considered non-harmful
In the organisers' own words, "Burning Man is an annual art
festival and temporary community based on radical self
expression and self-reliance", all taking place miles from
civilisation way out in the Black Rock Desert of Nevada. And
where better to replicate that "tabula rasa" sense of
inspirational desolation here in the UK, than the 491 Gallery
over in Leytonstone, East London, a harrowing 14-minute
Underground ride from Liverpool Street? Well, that's the plan
behind the 24-hour LONDON BURNING MAN DECOMPRESSION 2004 (8pm-
8pm, this Sat/Sun 2004-12-11, 491 Grove Green Road, London
E11 4AA, UKP10 in advance - "no tickets on the door", "dress:
playa [desert] attire") - which appears to be raising money
for a "real" Euro Burning Man, possibly to be held somewhere
as far-flung and exotic as Chigwell, or East Ham?
http://www.euroburners.org/decompression/
- even in the absence of contemporary social mores etc etc...
http://www.funjunkie.co.uk/webloggers_party/index.cfm
- London blogger party (also on Sat) must still be maintained
http://www.guardian.co.uk/life/badscience/
- Guardian Bad Science awards this coming Monday
http://www.lektrolab.com/pages/workshopdates.html
- London "Plunderphonics" workshop in London next Sat
http://www.thehorsehospital.com/archives/000307.html
- and (we hear) more Nintendo "console hacking" here on Sun 19
>> ANTI-MEMES <<
there's smoke, flames, http://dohthehumanity.com/
we were a bit sceptical about this, till we worked out that
most tinsel probably is between the 3cm (quarter-wavelength)
and 6cm (half-wavelength) "radar chaff effectiveness" range:
http://www.davephelan.org/~dphelan/archives/000494.html (vs
http://www.uk-bug.net/Article596.html - BT: "Christmas is
cancelled")... bet The Reg could get 300 words out of this:
http://xcom2002.com/doh/images/0412101443TheSun1stDec04.jpg
... which just leaves this year's final roundup of all your
old favourites - another "Babelfish as she is spoke" site:
http://www.locandavivaldi.it/ ... double-URLtendres of the
week: http://www.weeebrokers.com/ vs http://www.plopsaland.be/
... slightly mythologically-themed Google misspellings:
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22moth+watering%22 ,
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22oasis+of+clam%22 ,
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22achilles+heal%22 ,
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22statue+of+limitations%22
(also "dictionaty", "wesbite")... plus - inappropriate image
whack: http://images.google.com/images?q=klingon+devil+penis
>> TRACKING <<
sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering
Perhaps it's a little early for PRIVACY KNOPPIX. Version 000
is certainly *very* rough around the edges. But the quicker
the world has a Tor-onion routed, privoxy-wielding,
webcaching live CD that the Usually Suspected can carry
around with them, the better, no? So pour encourager les
autres, you might want to download and take a look at the
"mini" DVD-R dev kit or the CD-R carry-around-in-your-pocket-
just-in-case 400MB ISO. Type "web start" in a terminal to start
the anonymised system. Works better on connections that you can
delude yourself into thinking "work this slow all the time".
http://www.peertech.org/privacy-knoppix/
- knock twice and tell them "nym124378" sent you
http://tor.freehaven.net/
- Tor! The new Freenet!
http://archives.seul.org/or/talk/Dec-2004/msg00016.html
- we all go down together!
>> GEEK MEDIA <<
get out less
TV>> Christmas comes early to C4 with the dream casting of Sam
"Jurassic Park" Neill, "Puddy" from Seinfeld, and Neighbours'
"Danni Stark (1993-1996)" and "David Bishop (2003-present)" in
from-the-makers-of-genius-current-affairs-spoof-"Frontline"
1960s radioastronomy comedy THE DISH (4.10pm, Sat, C4)... then
it's Faith from "Buffy The Vampire Slayer", Kirsten "Spider-
Man" Dunst, Gabrielle "Bad Boys II" Union and, er, that kid
out of "Hackers" in top-notch cheerleader romp BRING IT ON
(9pm, Sun, C4)... though WHAT WE STILL DON'T KNOW (8pm, Sun,
C4) apparently includes "How to make abstract science
programmes visually interesting" - next week, "Could we be
nothing more than a complex code running on a super-computer
in a parallel universe?", muses The Radio Times... Richard
"Slacker" Linklater is the subject of Jacques Peretti's - all-
new timeslot? - THE ART SHOW (8pm, Mon, C4)... reader Matthew
"greatest threat to world peace since Adolf Hitler" Bevan
claims he's in more of "the other two" episodes of THE HEIST
(9pm, Tue, C4), but "[doesn't] have [his] NTK shirt any more"
... and, experts agree, po-faced Vin Diesel racer THE FAST AND
THE FURIOUS (9pm, Wed, ITV) simply "would not work" if set in
the UK: http://www.sxoc.com/vbb/showthread.php?threadid=16216
(unless you made it about the overclocking/casemodding scene?)
... there's the tantalising prospect of more character actors
hamming up their "dramatised recollections" in IF - CLONING
COULD CURE US (9pm, Thu, BBC2)... a slightly different take on
naturalistic behaviour in the last in this series of the
magnificently monstrous PEEP SHOW (10pm, next Fri, C4)... as
"the truth about hip-hop" is promised, along with a wide range
of insights on topical issues, in the company of the ever-
entertaining GOLDIE LOOKIN' CHAIN (12.20am, next Fri, C4)...
FILM>> you wait all year for a whimsical semi-autobiographical
indie about growing up in the boondocks, then two come along
at once - with that bloke out of "Scrubs" getting a wider
release for his "are you off your meds?" odyssey GARDEN STATE
( http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Garden+State+%282004%29 :
I didn't see even a hint of nudity. A group of people jump
into the pool in their underwear, Natalie [Portman] among
them. Her top is, I think, maroon, and doesn't even show the
outlines of her nipples) - than even MTV Films has drummed up
for semi-lame nerdy recognition-comedy NAPOLEON DYNAMITE
( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/napoleondynamite.htm :
attention to crotch; five uses of the euphemism for the most
foul of the foul words; use of the name of eternal fire as an
expletive in a background song)... Wesley Snipes struggles to
re-animate his ongoing comic-book franchise in BLADE - TRINITY
(imbd: sequel/ vampire/ dark-hero/ gore/ double-edged-sword)
... and the trailer certainly makes it look like the route
spends a lot of time in the "Uncanny Valley" when you get on
board dead-eyed Tom Hanks motion-capture CGI THE POLAR EXPRESS
( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/polarexpress-the.htm :
mischievous deeds were noted; I will not discuss whether Santa
Claus is real. The original Santa Claus, first St. Nicholas
then Kris Kringle were real people doing real philanthropic
deeds; a magnificent Christmas time achievement but Christ was
not mentioned. Not even in vain)...
THE "VICTORIAN AFFECTATION">> you know, it just wouldn't be
"Festivus" http://www.msgr.ca/msgr-2/festivus%2000.htm without
the traditional display of "Feats of Strength", which NTK
readers have been primarily displaying this year by writing
O'REILLY HACKS GUIDES. SIMON CARLESS is first out of the box
with his GAMING HACKS http://www.mono211.com/ffwd/bio.html ,
(retail UKP17.50, Amazon UK12.25) which he describes as "all
about messing with your gaming system" (whichever it may be)
from "Dreamcast VMU hacking, through making text adventures,
to 'speed running' in Doom and Metroid", with contributions
from Penny Arcade, Machinima gurus Strange Company, and scifi-
author turned Half-Life scripter Marc Laidlaw... "You know
those optical illusions you get in email, and bits of trivia
like the one about being about to read jmbuled-up wrods?",
asks MTAT WBEB, co-author of pop-psych round-up MNID HCAKS
(also UKP17.50, Amazon UK12.25) http://mindhacks.com/ . "We
start with those and then go into why they work, pulling out
some aspect about how our brains perform those everyday tasks
like, well, seeing, or compensating for missing data, or
catching an emotion off someone". Sounds like a blast, though
there's just a hint of Cartesian dualism in not calling it
"Brain Hacks", surely?... and finally, on a slightly more
confrontational note, former TVGoHome contributor (and current
barman?) LOG NONYMOUS requested a "tiny little superwee
mention" for LAW OF THE PLAYGROUND: A PUERILE AND DISTURBING
DICTIONARY OF PLAYGROUND INSULTS (AND HACKS) (retail UKP6.99,
Amazon UK5.59) http://www.playgroundlaw.com/ . "As it was a
mention in your newsletter that sparked the initial interest
all them yars agoo, I THINK YOU OWE ME THAT MUCH", he claims,
exhibiting all the twisted logic of many of the book's (often
brutally) nostalgic entries. And until next time's "Airing Of
The Grievances", a Merry Festivus to you, one and all!...
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
"not as uncannily accurate as we were 10 years ago"
http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,3604,1364135,00.html
NEED TO KNOW
THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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