Need To Know 2001-04-06

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"During the unprecedented economic boom of the 1990's, rapid- growth entrepreneurial companies such as Cisco Systems, Amazon.com and Krispy Kreme Doughnuts fueled the nation's economy..." - The NATIONAL COMMISSION ON ENTREPRENEURSHIP ( http://www.ncoe.org/pressroom/032301.html ) ...and who could have predicted that the "Golden Age" of doughnuts would be over so soon? >> HARD NEWS << half-price PS2s After getting yet another breathless 2001-04-01 e-mail informing us that Fucked Company had been hacked by ideaLab, and seeing it was from the founder of Skeptic magazine, no less - we finally conceded that these ONLINE APRIL FOOLS were getting out of hand. None more at risk, though, than those who would toy with the CURSE OF DEBIAN for their jollies. The unfortunately afflicted volunteer group (whose last release commemorated departed developer, Joel 'Espy' Klecker) was shocked to hear from DEBIAN PLANET that their leader BEN COLLINS had died on Sunday - just days after his election. Closer examination of the post (apparently, Ben died of "massive internal inconsistencies" following an OpenLDAP core dump) raised some suspicions. But perhaps the prank would have turned out funnier if Deb maintainers weren't still recovering from the sad - and all too real - passing away of two more key developers, Chris Rutter and Fabrizio Polacco. Well, as one is supposed to say on these occasions, they'd have seen the funny side. http://lists.debian.org/debian-devel-announce-0104/msg00001.html - it's live free *or* die", dammit http://lists.debian.org/debian-project-0104/msg00000.html - the biggest problem is that Debian-Policy mandates a straight face http://lists.debian.org/debian-policy-0104/msg00001.html - on all occasions Don't think of this as a Watchdog-style assault on a business who's had some teething problems, think of it as a resounding "well done" to a UK company boldly pushing back those e- commerce boundaries. Surely among the cheapest Playstation 2s sold in the UK have come from THESLAMMER.COM, who've run various offers selling the UKP300-retail console for UKP150. Despite reassurances such as their Gameplay-style colour scheme and Sony-esque claims that "they make the money back on the games", said offers have prompted widespread newsgroup speculation over the precise nature of the company's business plan - speculation fuelled by customers who've had problems getting hold of either their consoles or indeed anyone who can tell them when they might arrive. Then again, if you were (theoretically) losing between UKP70 and UKP150 on every sale, would *you* want to be spending even more money on fripperies like customer support? http://groups.google.com/groups?q=theslammer&seld=913778575&ic=1 - "LOADS of people have got the PS2s" http://www.theslammer.com/planetarion/ - "You would have knowen [their] reputatin when you ordered it" Here's our standard position on intellectual property: it's not that we're against it per se (and you can quote us on that, for 150UKP residuals, limited first-use rights in Regions 1 and 2 only), but if you're hanging around in a universe where copying is essentially a zero cost, high- benefit activity, the only way to deter infringment is to slowly increase the punishment until possession of a CD burner is a hangable offence. Well, they're not quite there yet, but it's nice to see Andrew Miller MP getting the hang of it. Andrew's currently proposing a Bill which would increase the criminal penalty of copyright infringement from three years to ten. No explanation as to why he thinks this is a good idea, but Mr Miller is renowned for being the MP who believed "people who oppose the [RIP] Bill are playing right into the hands of some of the most evil criminals on this planet". One to watch at the next election. http://194.128.65.4/pa/cm200001/cmbills/020/en/01020x--.htm - and he visited Silicon Valley? Who'd he meet up with? Unisys? http://politics.guardian.co.uk/person/parliament/0,9307,-3631,00.html - Y2K funding? Speed cameras good for human rights? Did we invent him? >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious YAHOO NEWS files Barrymore pool death under 'Sport/Swimming': http://www.ntk.net/2001/04/06/dohbarry.gif ... JEDI CENSUS email arrives from New Zealand, claims census due "August 7th", when actually it's April in the UK... still waiting for punchline to NEGROPONTE's "real-time browser updates" April Fool: http://news.cnet.com/news/0-1005-200-5405498.html ... where a customer is more than just a number - you're also a: http://www.ntk.net/2001/04/06/dohhertz.gif ... MTV prank http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/20010405/re/media_mtv_dc_1.html imitates http://www.zeppotron.com/unnovations/shit_tv.html ... "Market Analysis Experts" DATAMONITOR *still* "completing an audit to establish its state of readiness for year 2000": http://www.datamonitor.com/aboutdm/abouty2k.asp ... "not a secure site" confesses http://www.charleshyde.co.uk/no.htm ... ISS crew already having Mir-style problems with WINDOWS NT: http://spaceflight.nasa.gov/station/crew/exp1/exp1shepmarfeb.html ... even more unwittingly disturbing EBAY auction than usual: http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=575069540 >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful Normally minimalist techno-artists MUTE MAGAZINE seem to be celebrating their upcoming live event (or maybe contributor Hari Kunzru's big book advance) by actually putting some content on their website - so you can go there for further explanation of what they mean by THOSE MARVELLOUS MEN AND THEIR MACHINATION MACHINES: AN AFTERNOON OF READINGS AND DISUCSSION ON THE APPLICATIONS OF SYSTEMS AND SYSTEM THEORY TO LITERATURE (from 2.30pm, Sun 2001-04-08, Tate Modern, London, UKP6). Speakers include "psion of literary psychedelia" JEFF NOON (do they mean "scion"?), ROBERT COOVER (no idea) plus the Berlin Linux User Group's FLORIAN CRAMER, and the whole thing is hosted by former Kunzru protege and NTK music columnist (gone bad) JIM FLINT, who provided those enthralling accounts of cellular reproduction in his 1998 debut novel "Habitus". http://www.metamute.com/events/ - "Systems Theory"? Negative feedback, hysteresis, etc? http://www.cybersalon.org/flyers/music.html - didn't understand this one at all, but liked the picture >> TRACKING << sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering So, we were hanging out with Bill Gates on Tuesday, and he turns to us (and the other 3000 CHI2001 attendees at the keynote) and says "We're pleased that 802.11b has become the standard in wireless networks". Wooh, we think, mentally noting to step over the corpse of Bluetooth as we leave, so there's evil in 802.11 after all. Well, maybe the true wickedness is that all those crazy community-owned, peer to peer, dynamically routed, ad-hoc, IPv6-tastic roaming urban network dreams that so filled the early 802.11 mailing lists are grinding down into more realistic (but duller) plans for centrally-maintained Access Points scattered over a few city rooftops. Well, one last try: we still think that if someone took a pre-existing ad-hoc routing code like MOBILEMESH and bunged it together with some simple discovery tools and an easy configuration utility, you could build a city-wide IBSS network where *everyone's* machine acted as a router, where the reach of the network naturally grew as more people joined it, and the whole network would be so radically decentralised that not even Bill could love it. http://www.mitre.org/tech_transfer/mobilemesh/ - might not scale, but, hey, you *never* *know* http://lists.bawug.org/pipermail/wireless/2001-April/000679.html - of course, if all else fails, Pete Shipley'll hack something up http://research.microsoft.com/~bahl/MS_Projects/RadarDemo/demo.htm - but watch out, because Microsoft knows where you are! http://www.free2air.org/ - here's the hits kid: now write something >> MEMEPOOL << oogle at google products that should be advertised the same way as Haagen Dazs #1: SCALEXTRIC http://www.tv4.se/lattjo/kojan/bilbanan.asp ... bored? sell some slaves to DISO: http://www.phink.net/elite/ ...wildly plausible AOL INSTANT MESSENGER "Solar Flare" excuse http://www.infoworld.com/articles/hn/xml/01/04/03/010403hnimknock.xml imitates #6 at http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard2.html ... GameBoy emulates JACQUARD LOOM: http://www.meetizek.com/features.html ... currently leading the UK ONION pack, because they just don't care: http://www.martian.fm/ ... NATHAN BARLEY presents: http://www.k10k.net/Frames.asp?section=backissue&issue=24 ... boycotting US sites for using non-KYOTO-compliant electricity ... BBC's DOTCOM AND KOSHER TV docu "elbow-chewingly awful": http://www.j-geek.org/pipermail/talk/2001-April/003866.html - mysteriously disappears from TV schedules over Easter... creepy chat-up tips of the FREE SOFTWARE revolutionaries #2: http://crackmonkey.org/pipermail/crackmonkey/1998q4/003006.html ... look, can't you just let VRML pass away peacefully in its sleep? http://www.adobe.com/products/atmosphere/main.html ... >> GEEK MEDIA << the less rude www.tvgohome.com TV>> BBC2 banishes another prime-time US import to the prestigious 6.45pm Friday slot - still, it is only overrated child genius sitcom MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE... newsgroup regular Dom http://www.dvdfever.co.uk/ "The Dominator" McClane co- hosts a "warez" special RIGHT TO REPLY (7.30pm, Fri, C4)... and great title sequence, shame about the rest of THE ISLAND OF DR MOREAU (9pm, Fri, C5)... in the absence of a Saturday night war movie, C4 shunts in the final SCIENCE AND THE SWASTIKA (8pm, Sat, C4), on Heisenberg's uncertain sabotage of the Nazi nuke project, as documented in Michael Frayn's play "Copenhagen"... which of course links - via Kraftwerk etc - to the '80s electro-pop pioneers profiled in TOP TEN (9pm, Sat, C4)... despite its "cool" image, actually making pornography remains curiously degrading, 90-minute investigative docu HARDCORE (10.35pm, Sat, C4) is horrified to learn... while SF: UK (12.35am, Sat, C4) explores the Freudian subtext of those extended launch sequences in Gerry Anderson shows, and Blade Runner... hitmen Banderas and Stallone compete to off Julianne "Hannibal" Moore's hacker in wacky Wachowski-written ASSASSINS (10.30pm, Sat, ITV)... Keanu Reeves and the always-unwatchable Rachel Weisz outrun a couple of shockwaves in cold fusion chaser CHAIN REACTION (10.15pm, Sun, BBC1) - not based around the Diana Ross hit single of the same name... after last week's "Kelly's Heroes", Tuesday is C5's Telly Savalas WW2 night again with THE DIRTY DOZEN (9pm, Tue, C5)... and the usual Hoffman/ Travolta showboating almost sinks anti-TV hostage social comment MAD CITY (9pm, Thu, C5) - though, to its credit, it's no MRS DOUBTFIRE (8pm, Thu, BBC1)... FILM>> the ever-useless Matthew McConaughey helps the giftless Jennifer Lopez make her long-unawaited comedy debut in meticulously formulaic US box office smash THE WEDDING PLANNER (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/weddingplanner.htm : suggestive positioning; lies; mention of homosexuality as being acceptable; man and woman standing in front of a nude male statue with the man cupping the statue's genitals in his right hand)... Spike Lee ingeniously imitates TVGOHOME http://www.stepnfetchitpictures.com/fset.htm - though shooting on digi video doesn't seem to have made him any less angry or heavy-handed, on the strength of "The Producers"-style rap- videos-are-the-new-minstrel-shows TV ratings satire BAMBOOZLED (http://www.screenit.com/movies/2000/bamboozled.html : It's possible that some kids - black or white - might want to do the blackface minstrel thing)... in deference to the "evil" hacker who bears her name, Angelica is "a little extra snippy" in typically scatalogical sequel RUGRATS IN PARIS: THE MOVIE (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/rugratsinparis.htm : two dogs sniffing each other; the curvature of Bouche's' glutei maximi; a dog urinating on the Eiffel Tower; constant hatefulness by Angelica)... or there's yet another limited- release Australian twentysomething extended bedroom chat BETTER THAN SEX (http://www.cndb.com : "shots of [Susie Porter's] plump little titties throughout this otherwise mundane movie [...] one great scene features Susie recieving head while pinching and squeezing her nips; her areole wrinkle up and the teats stiffen - as will your member!")... THE "VICTORIAN AFFECTATION">> and this month's print media round-up opens with the news that we have more or less got the hang of Amazon's new reporting format, as shown by the hot new NTK BESTSELLERS CHART now at http://www.ntk.net/books/ . In fact, with the possible exception of a surprise new entry by THE KIDS FROM FAME SOUNDTRACK, it's pretty much business as usual, with the Top 20 once again dominated by programming manuals, literary classics and, of course, Neal Stephenson - though, reassuringly, no-one seems to have advance-ordered http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0434009032 yet, despite the enticing information about how many pages it's going to have. Also on the long-range scanner, TVGOHOME fans can look forward to the official tie-in adaptation in October: http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/external-search?keyword=Charlie%20Brooker - the long-awaited fourth volume in Brooker's "Community Mental Health" series... uber-fanboy BEN MOOR wrote in to recommend the very-post-Watchmen POWERS COLOURING BOOK (UKP1) http://www.jinxworld.com/powers.htm and Warren Ellis' upcoming MINISTRY OF SPACE, while questioning our omission of the DUNE mini-series from our last pirate video review, as it's now available on off-air US VHS transfers from "the right comic fairs", if you know what we mean. Oddly, this new version seems closer to the book, but isn't as good as the David Lynch film (due to some truly otherworldly bad acting). Of course, NTK condemns piracy should the offenders turn out to be big companies like AOL; though sometimes it's tricky to sympathise when the "victims" are the estate of noted libertarian Robert A Heinlein and Harlan Ellison, who appears to have subtitled his legal fighting-fund appeal "I HAVE NO CAPS LOCK KEY, AND I MUST SCREAM" http://harlanellison.com/kick/kick_rls.htm ... back with your earth publications, insiders seem to have issued their own version of this week's leaked LOADED memo http://www.mediaguardian.co.uk/presspublishing/story/0,7495,467924,00.html - http://members.madasafish.com/~amifiredornot/ , while SUBJECT has made it to issue 2 - despite a promising manifesto http://www.moseisley.force9.co.uk/subject/articles/5commands.htm and "Question everything" attitude, which even extends to that old publishing aphorism "Don't lay out every article in what looks like giant 14-point Helvetica". And finally, a quick snippet from the ever-vital world of the specialist press, where PRESERVED BUS will, at last, be merging with BUS AND COACH PRESERVATION from the issue dated June 2001. The new title will be go by the name BUS AND COACH PRESERVATION - INCORPORATING PRESERVED BUS, so be sure to keep an eye out for this exciting new title, preserved bus (and coach) fans!... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. Registered at the Post Office as "like Jeeves, we prefer the term 'jovial'" http://ntk.isgay.com NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net NTK is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntkmart.com/ (K) 2001 Special Projects. Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/ Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com All communication is for publication, unless you beg. Press releases from naive PR people to pr@spesh.com Remember: Your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material. Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention. Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.