Need To Know 2002-10-04

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"Dade Murphy, who is listed as a primary contact for Burn, did not respond to repeated requests for comment..." http://www.wired.com/news/politics/0,1283,55450,00.html ...other fictional characters from the movie "Hackers" have also failed to return calls as of press time >> HARD NEWS << currently 3s and 2s Any sufficiently opaque process on the Net eventually gets described as "weather". This week a hurricane hit the rankings of Google search terms. Every month, Google tweaks its algorithms and reloads its database, shuffling sites into a new world order in a move known to those who care as the "Google Dance". This month, though, the music was particularly thrash metal. Long-time top-rankers plummetted from the front page of search results into the far hellish reaches of "oooogle". It hit bloggers, whose hyperlink-o-hypertrophia had previously made them Google's kingmakers. And it hit the Search Engine Optimisers, whose voodoo schemes to make you - yes, you, Widget Maker of Iowa, #1 ranking for "+sex +iowa" - were sorely screwed by plummeting rankings. More importantly though - anecdotal evidence suggest that search results for ordinary users seem to be a bit off, too. Broken sites, obvious spams, and irrelevant sites are dotting people's first hits. Of course, anecdotes don't count for jack: but now that Google has gathered so much power, and moves in such mysterious ways, conjecture's all that's left. We mortals can just sit and watch the clouds gather. Who knows what Google wrought? http://www.webmasterworld.com/forum3/5688.htm - "Google's penalty literally took food out of my families mouth"! http://diveintomark.org/#when_an_engineer_flaps_his_wings - what's the world coming to when you can't depend on Google for eminem? http://www.google.com/search?q=kevin+warwick - still number one! In what we assume isn't a "Faking IT"-style scheme to turn a Linux sysadmin into a contemporary digital artist, Sheffield's REDUNDANT TECHNOLOGY INITIATIVE are seeking applications for a two-week (paid!) residency this November at their attractive Access Space free media lab, ideally making use of their extensive stocks of recycled/reclaimed "redundant" technology and open source software. You'd have to run a workshop, presentation and online diary about what you've created during that space of time, but other than that, they sound amazingly open-minded about what you could have a go at. Deadline for applications is next Friday 2002-10-11, mail tamar@lowtech.org for further info - and, if you are lucky enough to be chosen, maybe you could stick a couple of updates on their website, assuming they give you access to the servers and you have a spare moment or two. http://www.access.lowtech.org/ - those "Elite" t-shirt royalties clearly going to good use Like Seinfeld says: "There's no way that moving in with your parents is a sign that your life is right on track... Yeah, things are going great, I've met a terrific girl, I've got a great job, I'm making a lot of money and, if everything goes according to plan, I'm going to be moving back in with my parents". However, let us emphasise that there are entirely sensible reasons for THE REGISTER to leave their prestigious central London office address, as happened this week, and (temporarily) operate as a "virtual" workplace from various safehouses dotted around the country. First of all, the lease was up; the landlord wants to convert the office into flats or somesuch; and we imagine the rent for 20-22 Maddox Street, in the heart of London's fashionable Mayfair, was really quite something. But put away your concerns over "the end of an era" and potential impact on the local economy - rest assured that the team will now officially be carrying out their most important business from pubs in the area, instead of it sometimes just seeming that way. http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/62/26148.html - just down the road from the sign saying "Golf Sale" >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious SMALL BUSINESS SERVER is "dog", "bites", admits "Microsft": http://ad.au.doubleclick.net/527362/728x90_dog_sbs1.swf (needs Flash, sorry)... QUEEN keeps distance from manual labourer: http://www.pch.gc.ca/royalvisit2002/1959-2_e.cfm (proper caption at: http://www.pch.gc.ca/royalvisit2002/1951-2_e.cfm ) ... "and our servers seem to be in no hurry to process them": http://www.ntk.net/2002/10/04/dohhurry.gif ... "WOW! There are a lot of you wanting to use [the heavily publicised 'Future of Music'] at the moment - please come back later if it's slow": http://www.digitaldownloadday.com/retailers.htm ... APPLE unveil 120MB drive: http://www.ntk.net/2002/10/04/dohmeg.gif - can store 2 viruses: http://www.ntk.net/2002/10/04/doh50.gif ... fairly accurate paraphrase of most guestbook contents: http://xsls.com/?11 ... not the kind of "abuse" they had in mind: http://www.ntk.net/2002/10/04/dohhear.gif ... the stink of privatisation: http://www.ntk.net/2002/10/04/dohsmell.gif ... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful Former sysadmin and AMIGA POWER contributor MIL MILLINGTON will be telling how his site THINGS MY GIRLFRIEND AND I HAVE ARGUED ABOUT went from being ripped off by the Mail On Sunday to a column in Guardian Weekend and a semi-autobiographical campus comedy novel at next Wednesday's DORKBOT LONDON (from 7pm, Wed 2002-10-09, mystery venue near "the top of Brick Lane", London E2, free) - and no doubt signing copies into the bargain. The line up also includes spoof truth-manufacturing motivational speaker www.muti.tv , and the enigmatic "yaxu" demonstrating "animal.pl" - further details should appear on the Dorkbot site next week, or just go to the junction with Bethnal Green Rd and you'll be redirected, like it was an illicit programming rave or something. http://dorkbot.org/dorkbotlondon/ - precautions to prevent his girlfriend from finding out http://www.thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com/ - vs http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?b=02001-02-16&l=23#l http://www.linuxexpo.co.uk/ - pop by after visiting Olympia's Linux Expo 2002 http://www.strangeattractor.co.uk/megalithomania.html - next weekend: rockin' with Iain Sinclair and the gang >> TRACKING << sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering CAMELBONES, Sherm Pendley's Perl to Cocoa bridge for MacOS X, has all the looks of a standard sourceforge project: half-written website written in barebones HTML, low version numbers, couple of unmarked downloads. Install it, though, and it's another story. Tight integration with the Mac's Project Builder, ridiculously complete API support - it's an amazing piece of work that's fast becoming the official Perl environment for the running-dog turncoat Switchers of the Unix world. Dan "Stakhanovite of Perl" Sugalski is writing a book on it, even Apple have been heard to recommend it. About the only thing it's missing is sub-classing, which Thank The Lord, just isn't the big deal in Objective C that it is in other, more crack-inspired OOP languages. Rumour has it that this will be fixed in 0.3, due in November. That is, unless Jobs is planning to have Sherm killed beforehand, for being Too Clever Outside The Cupertino Campus. http://camelbones.sf.net/ - hubris: a virtue in Perl, a criminal offence outside Apple >> MEMEPOOL << ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/ SPECTRUM emulator authors still have plenty of new directions to explore: http://homepage.ntlworld.com/simon.owen/lenskey/ ... almost as plausible as: http://www.degenatron.com/ ... yeah, but didn't Atari VCS cartridges used to cost 60 quid or something?: http://www.fairplay-campaign.co.uk/front.htm - vs http://www.ilikecake.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/campaign/ ... it's clearly short for "home-made" - whatever you were thinking: http://www.wisconsin-cherries.org/beashomadeproducts.html ... snaxx0rs 4 haxx0rs: http://walkers.corpex.com/cr15p5/ ... no mention of his sidekick, "Salt": http://www.vinegarman.com/ ... this week's Finnish spoof fundamentalist rant against roleplaying, ice hockey: http://www.co.jyu.fi/~np/gameofsatan/ ... the BOBBIT will "easily slice through meat and bones": http://www.internetcookshop.com/viewdetail.asp?prodcode=HR919 ... what appears to be your favourite double entendre of the week: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/2282603.stm , http://www.nme.com/news/102458.htm - see <TITLE> tag... >> GEEK MEDIA << get out less TV>> ITV wheels out hooker-free "Pretty Woman" non-sequel RUNAWAY BRIDE (8.30pm, ITV, BBC1) against new BBC pop search FAME ACADEMY (8.30pm, Fri, BBC1)... it's a dire action movie weekend with Liz Hurley hilarity PASSENGER 57 (9pm, Fri, C5), John Woo misfire HARD TARGET (11pm, Fri, BBC1), and Armstrong and Miller idiocy PLUNKETT & MACLEANE (10.20pm, Sat, C4)... as it's left to C5 to schedule the weirdest film of the week, hillbilly nipple-taping surrealism-fest GUMMO (2.25am, Fri, C5)... should be interesting to see if they use the codeword "Nigger" in THE DAM BUSTERS (3pm, Sun, ITV) this time around: http://media.guardian.co.uk/broadcast/story/0,7493,504037,00.html ... K-911 (6.30pm, Sun, C5) is a sequel to James Belushi police dog comedy "K-9", not a prequel to Harrison Ford Soviet sub thriller "K-19: The Widowmaker"... Nic Cage wigs out over the degrading world of snuff pornography in 8MM (10pm, Sun, C4)... and BRITAIN'S FAVOURITE HOAXER (9pm, Mon, C4) turns out to be some guy who gets himself into team photographs, rather than, say, Chris Morris or something... A MAN'S BEST FRIEND (10pm, Mon, C4) is, of course, yet another show about penises ... WEB RATS (1.30am, Mon, BBC Choice) threatens to be a "comical internet review show" from the "Cyderdelic" gang: http://www.offthekerb.co.uk/artists/b_artists_home.jsp?artist=cyderdelic ... but in a week of big-name sci-fi - including STAR WARS EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (8pm, Tue, ITV) and THE MATRIX (9pm, Thu, C5) - Verhoeven's magnificent libertarian parody STARSHIP TROOPERS (9pm, Mon, C5) still stands supreme ... Dwight "Howlin' Mad Murdock" Schultz *is* Bob Oppenheimer in Manhattan-project docu-drama SHADOW MAKERS (8pm, Tue, C5)... Victorian Whitstable is the glamorous starting point for lipstick lesbian costume romp TIPPING THE VELVET (9pm, Wed, BBC2)... while THE GREAT STINK (8pm, Thu, C5) is presented by Big Brother producer Peter Bazalgette as a tribute to his ancestor, Victorian sewer pioneer Sir Joseph Bazalgette - hopefully introduced by the continuity announcer explaining: while previous Bazalgettes specialised in piping shit out of your home, the current generation seems to prefer piping shit into it... FILM>> it's the first of a couple of movies this month which implicitly advocate switching to some sort of digital camera http://www.fox.co.uk/comps/one_hour_photo2.html - features include 2 megapixel resolution, 2x optical zoom, not having your family stalked by creepily diligent Robin Williams, as happens in ONE HOUR PHOTO ( http://www.cndb.com/ : Gorgeous, French-born "Alias" star [Michael Vartan] shows off everything as he gets out of bed naked. A natural, un-buffed body, nice butt, and a surprisingly large, full penis)... Disney tone down the cute a little, squeeze some decent jokes into groovy Hawaii sci-fi LILO AND STITCH ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk : Distributor chose to remove sight of dangerous activity which might be copied by young children - child character emerging from a hiding place inside a washing machine or tumble drier - in order to achieve a U)... otherwise, with the possible exception of cross-dressing basketball slapstick JUWANNA MAN ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/juwanna_mann.html : Vivica A. Fox shows some cleavage; some lesbian comments and innuendo are made), it's a bunch of movies which inexplicably haven't been released in the US yet, the most promising being Jennifer "Cleopatra 2525" Sky "Big Brother"-style containment horror MY LITTLE EYE ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : Contains strong language, violence and sex)... Ken Loach provides a characteristically bittersweet portrayal of teen Glaswegian heroin dealing in SWEET SIXTEEN ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : Contains very strong language), or it's Vivica A. Fox (again), Cuba Gooding Jr, Roger Moore, and Ken "Peugeot ads" Campbell? - together at last! - in homophobic one-joke gross-out BOAT TRIP ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : Contains strong language and comic sex references)... CONFECTIONERY THEORY>> so we finally get our hands on sugar- free fruity apostrophes STARBURST FRUITINESSE (from 49p), only to discover that if you hand them out at parties, the flip-top plastic tube makes people assume they're some kind of drugs. That said, the blackcurrant/ strawberry/ mandarin/ apple flavours do indeed "Wake up your mouth", causing reader JAMES CRONIN to ponder if they were intended as "a rival" to WONKA NERDS? Other non-disappointments include white chocolate's most sophisticated incarnation yet, CADBURY DREAM SNOW BITES ("White chocolate with a whipped mousse centre containing honeycombed pieces"), but CADBURY MYE ("Whipped cream flavour mousse and roasted cocoa nib truffle centre") was just pipped at the post for this month's accolade of "Taste Abomination" by the new green-foil-packaging CADBURY BOOST WITH GLUCOSE AND GUARANA, nominated by RICHARD CHENG for combining the old Boost experience with "a nasty fake cherry flavour and a slightly bitter aftertaste". Though an honourable mention goes to BENDICKS for their boxed twist-wrap "Milk, dark, white & marbled chocolates with a hint of mint", to which they've given the truly terrible name of MINGLES... over in drinks 'n' savouries, there does appear to be a thin, but genuine, non- reprocessed slice of meat in the MCDONALDS STEAK PREMIERE SANDWICH (from around UKP2.49), yet the abuse continues to flood in for DIET COKE LEMON ("like drinking ordinary coke through a Kentucky Fried Chicken Handwipe" - STEF MAGDALINSKI) - does no-one have any similar complaints over PEPSI LEMON TWIST? And our sympathies to JAMES HINCHLIFFE, who found the resemblance of STREAKY BACON QUAVERS to "the flayed hide of Bagpuss" both "uncanny" and "distressing" - and leaving what they actually taste like to our fevered imaginations... on the international scene, DAN BURGESS recommended ALTOIDS CITRUS SOURS ("truly delightful breath mints that I have only seen in Pennsylvania this summer"), but there's still plenty of fun stuff to look out for over here, as CADBURY take on MCVITIES MUNCH BITES with their own range of pocket-sized MIGHTY MINIS. But "hot and spicy" is the real theme of autumn, with SPICY COCKTAIL AIRWAVES GUM, PEPPARAMI MINICHEDDARS, MCCAIN HOT CRISPS (which you cook in the microwave), plus the long- awaited return of last year's limited edition MONSTER MUNCH which turned your mouth blue [NTK 2001-09-07] - the innovation being that it now turns it blue or green, and you have to stick your tongue out to find out which. It's called the "Mystery Tongue" Monster Munch variant - what else?... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. Registered at the Post Office as "an enormous cornet" http://www.antics.org.uk/ NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntkmart.com/ (K) 2002 Special Projects. Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/ Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com All communication is for publication, unless you beg. 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