Need To Know 1998-10-16

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"Cut out the slaughter of innocent Albanian civilians, you vodka-snorting goofus, or face the wrath of NATO airstrikes dropping 500-pound laser-guided bombs on your butt." - C|NET experiments with a broader news agenda http://www.gamecenter.com/Downloads/Mac/FrontDoor/0,37,0-17,2000.html >> HARD NEWS << it barely moves Now, didn't we say all along that APPLE would make it? Steve Jobs announced profits of $106 million on revenue of $1.6 billion (same as last year - shhh! shhh!) and revealed that soon "You'll be able to get a new Mac for $99". Sweetly, some Mac fans thought this was *really true*, rather than the Jobsian way of suggesting that it was time to splash out on yet another OS upgrade. We also enjoyed Apple's mailing to the rhapsodic Macevangelists providing the exact times of product placements in this week's TV and films, so that the devout could set their VCRs. Everyone's happy. Except... why did Jobs, apropos of nothing, insist at the press conference, that "we still have our soul"? I mean, you don't think that deal with Microsoft involved a third party? http://www.apple.com/macos/upgrade/ - oh, smart thinking, Sherlock http://www.zdnet.co.jp/magazine/macuser/craft.html - a Mac for 99p! Deputy Prime Minister JOHN PRESCOTT is learning to route around censorship. "The SNP were so ashamed of their policies they deleted them from the Internet. I can tell Alex Salmond [SNP leader] that in the interests of public information we are going to put them back on", he told the Labour Party conference. A brilliant scheme, with only a few flaws. Like - wouldn't it have been sensible to edit out the "(c) 1996 SNP" comments in the HTML *before* copying it without permission? Also, if you do give official sanction to this behaviour, might it be more effective if the site you publicise is designed by somebody who understands HTML? And should this kind of jape really be encouraged by the same Labour party that removed key crypto policy commitments from *their* Website after reneging on them, back in June? http://www.tibus.com/encryptionuk/labour.html - lucky someone mirrored those too http://www.mcmen.demon.co.uk/SNP.html - HTML by committee http://www.mcmen.demon.co.uk/SNP/ - some hope of reading the dox here http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/Congress/2840/ - a degree of accountability Maybe BT's just taunting the (presumably highly impatient) ADSL target audience with its sluggish roll-out trials - as the site is at pains to emphasise, it's not a test of the technology, it's a test of the service (to establish whether there's actually enough Internet out there for people to download at 2Mbps, and just how much over the odds people will pay for home access at a reasonable speed). Or maybe the announcement, mysteriously postponed from last week's TMA31 conference, was aimed to divert attention from a local authority in Thurrock, Essex, reported to be trialling their own DSL-style broadband services over "Keylines", mid-priced BT-owned copper pairs intended for (much slower) data applications. Other "broadbandits" are keen to play down their promising results, fearing that BT will clamp down on unofficial DSL experiments on their lines, despite using BABT-approved kit - and because only BT has an extensive old-fashioned copper network, they can't go to other telcos 'cos they're too high in fibre... http://www.serviceview.bt.com/list/current/docs/Private_Cir_/03316.htm - hey, you do the math http://www.zdnet.co.uk/news/1998/40/ns-5703.html - is "Goodwins" one of those Extropian surnames, or what? >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious Hayes go NO CARRIER... can't launch a major brand without breaking EGGS - http://www.ntk.net/doh/egg981012.gif ... BBFA psychologists refuse CARMAGEDDON II certification, after seeing a four-minute demo... THRESH wipes out plucky British Quake champion Billox 56 to -1... US sex columnist Dan Savage gets "a disproportionate amount of mail from MICROSOFT employees complaining about impotence"... ZAP.COM pulls out of everything... E-TRADER caused market crash by leaning on keyboard... DEMON director sets up mail filters: accidentally broadcasts inbox to entire department... THE SUN launches anti-FURBY campaign, citing "They're UKP7 to make, but UKP30 in shops" (no economies of scale printing a newspaper, then?) plus "they only supply 350,000 so you have to fight to get one" (self-restricted profiteering! uh-oh!) >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful What bookfair has a poster designed by self-proclaimed Clint Eastwood body-double Clifford Harper, advertises itself with "fuck Private Ryan" stickers, has a sex worker's "show and tell" to start off and a huge party to finish? Some kind of ANARCHIST BOOKFAIR, that's for sure. Now seventeen years old - and acting like it - it's on tomorrow, Saturday 17/10/98, from 1000 to 1900 at the irreproducible Conway Hall, Red Lion Square, bloody London WC1. Fun-loving rebels or the State - see who gets smashed first. http://freespace.virgin.net/anarchist.bookfair/ - Mr Branson does his bit >> TRACKING << making good use of the things that we find The new PERL JOURNAL has been out for three weeks now, splashing its payload of Obfuscated Perl Contest entries about like a Typhoid-infested floozy. As Europeans, we're cheered that French and (quelle surprise) Finnish contestants grabbed three out of the four awards, given annually for code that's unreadable even by Perl's high standards. The US managed to hold on to first place in the "Most Powerful Code" section, with Clifford Adams' implementation of two encryption systems - including RSA - in just five lines. Ironically, by clawing some scrap of dignity for the United States, Clifford and TPJ now lay themselves open for prosecution by same as outlaw crypto munitions-smugglers. Although we'd be amused to see the prosecution try to prove that's what the code does. http://www.tpj.com/ - print version protected by the 1st amendment http://www.tpj.com/tpj/rules - oh, but now it's Lisp, beating Python by a head... >> MEMEPOOL << hasta la altavista creator of SKY DIGITAL banner ad is NTK subscriber: have you no sense of decency?... not quite sure what market http://www.syphilis.com/ is aiming at... LEXICAL FREENET is the new sixdegrees... DR SHUFFLEBRAINS will see you now: http://www.indiana.edu/~pietsch/home.html ... world's first objective mirror site: http://www.justhow.co.uk/ ... no, fsck you! - http://lwn.net/1998/1015/a/f-word.html ... Louis and Jane get a cool 10 million dollars each... game over for your "Nick Hornby with computers" book pitch: http://www.extralife.org/ ... new ATARI 3D GAUNTLET - shit? ... how it should be - http://www.classicgaming.com/stella/ ... "Linus does not scale"... stop press: the ECONOMIST gets to the bottom of Art Bell's "disappearance" : http://www.economist.com/editorial/freeforall/current/index_us3986.html >> GEEK MEDIA << may contain strongly-typed language TV>> face it, no matter how many repeats of BLACKADDER GOES FORTH (9pm, Fri, BBC2) they churn out, it's never going to make up for yet another series of lame impressions atrocity STELLA STREET (11.15pm, Fri, BBC2). Director Peter Richardson was the least funny one in The Comic Strip, by the way, which is certainly saying something... not quite the conceptual black and white ancient horror of the TV original, but slightly better production values in the Hammer remake of QUATERMASS AND THE PIT (1.15am, Fri, C4)... also, in "Post Modern Prometheus", a Jerry Springer/Cher crossover episode of THE X FILES (9.25pm, Sat, BBC1) that's monochrome, funny, even interesting - for a change... or, as if you needed it pointed out that you're sitting at home on a Saturday night, friendless and alone, heeeeere's BRIDGET JONES NIGHT (8.55pm, Sat, BBC2)... still prefer Sharon Stone's performance on THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW (11.30pm, Sat, Paramount) to Scorsese's head-crusher CASINO (10pm, Sun, C4)... while Pete McCarthy's DESPERATELY SEEKING SOMETHING (7.30pm, Sun, C4) groks the water-brothers who've based their religion around defensible Heinlein novel, Stranger In A Strange Land... appallingly titled THEWEBSTORY.COM (7.30pm, Mon, BBC2) presumably retreads the "success" of Bob Cringely's recent C4 net history, though without the "advantage" of all his out-takes from Triumph Of The Nerds, and presumably restricted to the boring old WWW... who's on the most drugs: whoever commissioned the zillionth gritty, realistic etc police drama THE COPS (9pm, Mon, BBC2)? or whoever thought that C4's contribution to the narcotics debate (most evenings, special "season") wouldn't end up like "Smack Me Up Gun-Bitch" from The Adam And Joe Show?... banks=Nazis, uncovers TIMEWATCH (9pm, Tue, BBC2)... and whose sex lives would you rather not know about: precocious adolescents in shock-doc TEEN SPIRIT (10.40pm, Tue, ITV)? or Jonathan Ross, Carol Smillie and Vanessa Feltz - not together, we hope! - in THE TRUTH ABOUT... SEX APPEAL (9pm, Tue, ITV)?... fresh, new LATE LUNCH "WITH MEL AND SUE" (6pm, Wed, C4) now only once a week, presumably to avoid spreading ingredients too thinly... and there's hope for parents everywhere, as polite mum Janet learns to love death metal while on tour with "Cradle Of Filth" in LIVING WITH THE ENEMY (9pm, Wed, BBC2) - the band responsible for such jaunty toe-tapping albums as "The Principle Of Evil Made Flesh", "Dark Faerytales In Phallustein", and (who could forget?) "Total Fucking Darkness"... FILM>> some above-average history-plundering this time from Disney, but the same terrible songs in MULAN (imdb: cross-dressing / training / martial-arts / china / based-on-true-story / boot-camp / disney-animated-feature / based-on-poem / women-soldiers / folklore / dragon / legend / army-life / impersonation / sexism / cricket). And good to see McDonalds saluting the youth-feminist message with their tie-in Oriental (Spare) McRib... plus a better-than-usual Hitchcock remake - though lacking Dial M For Murder's original 3D gimmick - twists and turns through A PERFECT MURDER (imdb: power / affair-extramarital / greed / jealousy / murder / artist / money) - described by Roger Ebert as part of his "Fatal Basic" genre (sex between bad people who live in good houses - and one of them is usually Michael Douglas)... otherwise it's limited-release French stuff - THE DREAM LIFE OF ANGELS (imdb [under "Vie rêvée des anges, La"]: playboy / friendship / suicide / dreams / hospital / coma / shoplifting / class-differences / sewing-machine / casual-work / young-woman) or RIEN NE VA PLUS (imdb: black-comedy / mafia / gambling / deception / role-playing / thief / money). Quelle horreur!... RED BOOK AUDIO>> is it just us, or does the new U2 single sound just like cult '80s Frankenstein tribute "China In Your Hand", by T'PAU?... still no news of whether ACE OF BASS really are going to sue T-SPOON for "Sex On The Beach" sounding too much like AOB's 1993 hit, "The Sign". And why doesn't the blonde one in Ace Of Bass ever appear in interviews or videos or even properly in focus on the cover of the new album? It's because *she's being hunted by a stalker!*... our top compilation of the moment: CD number 2 stuck to the front of clearly desperate, objectively disgusting Nestle brekkie cereal GOLDEN GRAHAMS. (Very) varied Radio 1 Evening Session-style highlights include the first RIALTO single, and almost BRA-like novelty techno from THE EGG and upcoming album-mongers FUZZ TOWNSEND - who, in both name and musicianship, remind us of the theme from '70s kids Saturday morning TV show, The Fun Factory... ORBITAL tell NME their new album will be most "jolly" so far, promise single consisting entirely of samples of Rolf Harris Stylophone... tribute band for PUFF DADDY pick unfortunate, all-too predictable name of MUFF DADDY... which *is* the best UK music news site? http://www.dotmusic.com , or that "Dominator" guy who just lists all the current singles releases?... and finally, farewell to AntiNews instigators THE SHAMEN, who finally halt their shameless partying like its 1989 with their new, final album UV due Monday 19/10/98. (Intentionally) hilarious sign-off at http://www.nemeton.com warns shocked fans that no material "will be given further terrestrial release", though the band "will continue to collaborate, via their higher aspects, in the 4th Dimension". The band blame mathematical differences... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. It is registered at the Post Office as "more viewers than New Media Age" http://stats.oyster.co.uk/nma/ NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Excuses - http://www.spesh.com/ntk/ Unsubscribe? Mail majordomo@lists.ntk.net with 'unsubscribe ntknow'. Subscribe? Mail majordomo@lists.ntk.net with 'subscribe ntknow'. NTK now is helped by THE ILLUMINATI and UNFORTU.NET. They worry about us, but we don't worry about them. (K) 1998 Special Projects. Non-business copying is fine, but retain SMALL PRINT. Contact terry@spesh.com for commercial license details. Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com.